lost and insecure

[jameson robert bolton]

there's blood on your hands and i know it's mine*
let's kiss like we used to

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so of course on a saturday you'd find teenagers at the mall. it wasn't unexpected, of course, that you'd also find jamie here, sure, he's a teenager, but he hadn't been at school for the entire past week. instead, the boy had found interest in laying in his bed watching television and smoking. it was much better than sneaking around the school away from teachers who tried to get you back into class. he simply had to call in every other morning and tell the secretary that he wasn't feeling very well and he wouldn't be at school that day or the next. as for getting away with smoking and drugs in his house, all he had to do was have the windows open and he was free for the morning and afternoon, and at 5 o'clock he'd leave the house and come back soon after his mother came home from the hospital. the normal conversation of how school went and how his friends were doing passed quickly, and then jamie would leave again, only to go into a back alley and shoot up again.

but today was saturday, his father didn't have to work and his mom was still at the hospital, taking care of a dying person no doubt, and then she'll come home, and then get called back to work because of an emergency, blah blah blah. the whole routine bored jamie, and he needed something else to do. he had a twenty dollar bill in his pocket he had taken from the table just incase he needed to buy something. but as of right now, nothing was needed and he wandered the mall with his hands in the pockets of his skinny jeans and his shirt still smelling a bit like weed. ugh. he'd have to do his own laundry this week, he couldn't possibly imagine what would happen if his parents found out about what he really did instead of going to school. horrible, horrible things, that's for sure. he hadn't seen anybody that he knew (or wanted to talk to, or liked for that matter), and that was putting a down on things. people were nice to talk to.

tagged open!
count 366
outfit coming soon, promisseee
notes suckish, kind of.

[zoe carolyn van wright]

I SMILE WHEN I'M ANGRY, I CHEAT AND I LIE ,
i do what i have to do to get by. but i know what is wrong, and i know what is right. and i’d die for the truth
( IN MY S E C R E T LIFE )

it was strange, zoe reasoned, how much everyone at carson had changed after the shooting. well, everyone except herself. they all switched personalities, did total 180’s, became a bitch, turned into a sweetheart, started partying, turned to depression…and then there was her. zoe hadn’t changed one bit. sure, there was a good reason for a lot of the kids to switch like they did, because their best friends or close classmates or whatever had died. but some of the other kids…well, zoe found it just weird. they weren’t personally affected, so what the hell was their problem? zoe didn’t really have anger management issues, if you’re going strictly by the book, but she didn’t always have the best hold on her anger. once in a while she would snap, beat some kid up, and then the next minute she was fine, walking away. okay, so maybe some people would say she did have anger management issues. in her own opinion she didn’t, and that was the only one that mattered anyway, right? or it was what they all told you, even if they were lying through their teeth. zoe had the gullibility to believe them.

so it was saturday morning, and as usual, she really had nothing to do. with the money out of her last two paychecks burning a hole in her pocket and earphones in both ears, she wandered aimlessly through the mall. most people, in high school, would save for college or something really big or whatever, but not zoe. she’d see something she really liked or thought was cute, and bam, there it was in a shopping bag. a lot of kids couldn’t afford a lifestyle like this, but thankfully, zoe’s job was good enough (and gave her enough hours) that she could do just that whenever she wanted. not to mention that all she had to do was ask and her parents would send $1000 her way without a second thought. zoe didn’t really like to do that, though. she preferred to not have to rely on her parents and live her own life. it wasn’t that she hated them or anything…she just liked to support herself. it made her feel better about the life she was living.

zoe’s head bobbed in time to the sound of a skylit drive blaring through her earphones. loud enough that, apparently, it somehow managed to impair her vision, for she walked straight into a guy walking in front of her and fell flat on her butt. the impact was hard, and she stayed on the floor for a minute, blinking, before having the sense to pull her earphones out. still on the floor, she looked up at the guy — and then she got a clear look at him and she stood up immediately, shoving her iPod into her pocket hastily. normally i’d apologize for something like this, but i think we have a special case here, she snarled, staring at jamie. the two of them…well, they’d never had a great relationship. their personalities just clashed, and they were constantly fighting.

TEMPLATE MADE BY EPIC ESMÉ OF CAUTIONv2. ICONS BY BETHANY. ME. (:

[jameson robert bolton]

there's blood on your hands and i know it's mine*
let's kiss like we used to

[/b][/i][/size][/center][/font]

jamies fingers moved over the coins in his pocket, creating a soft jingle noise that was almost too quiet to hear over the sounds of people. he should've known better that saturdays were among the busiest days on earth, right behind christmas and the 'boxing day blowout sale' at that store that always advertised on tv. his green eyes scanned everyone around him, and he came up with summaries of the people in his mind, and knew that they must be accurate if not spot on. the boy saw a couple, and they were holding hands. d'aww, how adorable. but the guy was trying to walk quicker as if to escape and the girl wanted to walk slowly and she was all over him. he doesn't like you ... she seemed incredibly desperate, too, and when jamie passed the couple (who were now walking incredibly slowly and should've been) he could hear the girl talking in a baby voice and calling him 'mikeypoo'. dear lord, if anyone ever called him that he would snap. jamie had to give the guy props for staying there, listening to her immature whining and not slapping the bitch. he looked behind him at the two and saw mikeypoo roll his eyes and play along with his girlfriend, just to make her happy.

that's one thing that jamie just did not understand. why would you spend your life trying to make someone happy that you don't even care about? well, at some point you must've cared about them, why else would you be dating them? sex. jamie's longest dating relationship had lasted maybe five and half months, not counting the times they had broken up inbetween. it's not that jamie didn't know how to keep some, it's just he got bored easily and his temper didn't help. a lot of people mistake him to be a quiet person, but that is almost the exact opposite. sure, he's relatively nice and quiet when you meet him, or if you're friends, but if you're not, he's one loud and angry motherfucker. a screech interrupted jamie's thoughts and he looked behind him at the noise. it was that stupid girl again, squeeling at the sight of one of her friends. yaayy, let's break eardrums in celebration of seeing one of your friends you haven't seen in a whole two hours! jamie rolled his eyes and turned his head to look infront of him when he felt something collide with his chest.

the boys' eyebrows raised on his hidden forehead in mild concern until he saw who had slammed into him. it was zoe. little 'innocent' zoe. his concerned look turned into a scowl and his eyebrows furrowed together. normally i’d apologize for something like this, but i think we have a special case here. jamie gave a cold laugh and matched her tone. "and normally i would help someone up, but you look like you can do it yourself." he kept his hands in his pockets, glaring down at the black-haired girl. even though she had stood, she was still a foot or so shorter than him. this was just one of the benefits of being tall, it gave you a sort of intimidating look. but knowing zoe she'd 'tough it up'. because she's soo tough in real life.

tagged open! zoe!
count 548
outfit here!
notes yay for teen angst.

[zoe carolyn van wright]

I SMILE WHEN I'M ANGRY, I CHEAT AND I LIE ,
i do what i have to do to get by. but i know what is wrong, and i know what is right. and i’d die for the truth
( IN MY S E C R E T LIFE )

zoe and jamie…well, they’d never really had the best relationship. they were constantly at ends; they had been since the moment they met. there must have been something in their genetic makeups that made them like this, just like your eye color is determined and whether you have freckles or not. it was probably lodged in there in the fifth chromosome, two matching genes that said ‘you will hate jamie.’ okay, so maybe that was a little unlikely, but zoe had a very imaginative mind. now that one had to be on the chromosomes or something, because she’d always been like this. well, that or it was a developed trait. yeah, so zoe paid a little too much attention in biology. but she’d always enjoyed the class. science was her strong point, and especially life science at that. give her anything like physics and she’d chuck it out the window, but start about protein synthesis and she’ll understand anything you say. now history, on the other hand…

people were sometimes a little amazed when they found out that zoe actually cared about school. but she knew that she had to try and get good grades to get anywhere in life, unlike all the other slackers around the school. she didn’t want to end up as a bum and, worst of all, disappoint her parents. they’d never come out and told her what they wanted in life for her, but it was unspoken in their household. they all knew where they stood. zoe loved her parents, and they were so caring and amazing. she couldn’t bear to do anything that would hurt them. well, except for her anger. but something like that, that was uncontrollable. it wasn’t like she was becoming anorexic or anything, something that starts with your own decisions. it was closer to a mental illness, whether that sounded bad or not. the difference with this one, though, was that her parents didn’t even know about her anger issues. they’d never seen her with them, and she was never angry when she was around them, so they had no reason to suspect her. it wasn’t like they were spying on her after school or anything. she hadn’t seen her parents in a while, come to think of it. the beginning of last summer, it had to be already. wow. she’d have to make an effort to call them soon or something.

zoe put a scowl on her face as she stared up at the boy in front of her. man, he was tall. well, plus zoe had always been especially short. her 4’11” on its own would hardly be intimidating. but why, then, were people a little frightened of her? well, that would be because they talked to her. on zoe’s worse days, her anger was unleashed quite easily, and the people near her were on the unlucky receiving end. a lot of the time that person happened to be jamie, not that a part of this arguing wasn’t his fault anyway. things just happened to work out that way. even if i wasn’t, it’s not like i would stoop low enough as to accept your help, she snarled, her hands rolling into fists. it was just her natural reaction whenever she was around jamie. she just always wanted to punch him, feel the satisfaction of her fist colliding with the side of his head. yeah, for a girl, she was pretty vicious.

TEMPLATE MADE BY EPIC ESMÉ OF CAUTIONv2. ICONS BY BETHANY. ME. (:

[jameson robert bolton]

there's blood on your hands and i know it's mine*
let's kiss like we used to

[/b][/i][/size][/center][/font]

jamie took his hands out of his pockets and placed them on his hips. with their height differences, if you didn't know zoe's age and you didn't know his age, you'd think it was an older brother scorning his younger sister. but this was just simply not the case. god no. if jamie had zoe as a sister, his life would have ended a long, long time ago. having school with the girl was enough, and seeing her everyday, all the time non-stop would be enough to drive the boy insane. jamie didn't tilt his head down to see the girl getting angry, but he just looked down at her with his eyes, which was essentially hurting them, and when she spoke once again he lowered his head to look at her clearer. her words made jamie smile a little bit, although it wasn't a 'oh, i'm so happy' smile, it was more of a smirk than a smile, actually. a small, common head jerk got some of his jet black hair out of his eyes, and he shrugged. "Wow, Zoe, I really wish I had your wit." jamie's face immediately turned back into the usual casualness of boredom, just to increase the sarcasm. the couple, meaning mikeypoo and the bitch, walked past them again, and mike seemed to be more interested in devouring his ice cream than listening to his girlfriend. it was too bad that she was so annoying, because jamie thought that that girl was kind of cute. ish.

and jamie couldn't lie, zoe was cute, too. you'd have to be a fool (or gay) not to admit that. if you got past her painful temper and her sarcasm and her anger issues, she's actually kind pretty. if jamie was a girl, he'd most definately be jealous of her hair. her height made her even cuter, and she just had that look to her face that was just so ... so ... cute. but they would never ever ever be together, that would be like if you took a horse and a duck and made them have little duck-horse-children-things. and quite frankly, jamie was not too excited to have duck-horse-children-things, and he knew for a fact that zoe didn't like him. everyone knew that one, it was absolutely no shock to him. but people didn't think that jamie liked zoe either, because he never showed it. hell, he didn't have time to show it. even though the two had spoken before, almost every sentence they've said had been an insult to the other. that kind of thing just doesn't make you think that two people like each other, especially with teenagers.

jamie's eyes flickered down to her hands, and that made the corners of his mouth turn up a little bit. d'aww, her hands were making itty bitty fists. his delightful green eyes rose back up to her face, and one of his eyebrows that you couldn't see went up. so she wanted to punch him? she could have a go, he supposed, but then they'd get kicked out of the mall for fighting from the rent-a-cops there and that would not make jamie a very happy person. not that he was a very happy person to begin with, but still. he let out a sigh, continued with a little laugh. "don't get violent, now. you ran into me." and that was one-hundred-percent completely true, at least to him. he had just been moseying on his way, minding his own business (if you can count watching people and calling them absurdities his own business). and then zoe came along, crashing into him and falling down on her little tush. completely not his fault.


tagged zoe!
count 617
outfit here!
notes not his fault. *shrug*

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[zoe carolyn van wright]

I SMILE WHEN I'M ANGRY, I CHEAT AND I LIE ,
i do what i have to do to get by. but i know what is wrong, and i know what is right. and i’d die for the truth
( IN MY S E C R E T LIFE )

zoe looked at jamie’s face and her eyes filled with hatred. man, did that kid just know how to get to her. it wasn’t like she wouldn’t be annoyed with anyone else she walked into, but why, why, did it have to be jamie? life was so unfair sometimes. it sure as hell had been the day she met him, after all. the relationship that had followed was amazingly far from healthy. there was no way this could be a healthy relationship, what the two had formed. okay, so maybe it had had a little more to do with zoe’s anger issues and jamie’s personality than the chromosomes she mentioned earlier, but no matter how it happened, it had happened, and there was no way they could change it now. zoe couldn’t imagine a world where she didn’t mind jamie, where the two were friends, or — she gulped — even worse, dating. imagine her dating the kid. it was an amazingly unappealing thought. sure, he was…kinda cute and all…okay, more than that, but she couldn’t date him, ever, and she knew it. just because a guy is cute doesn’t mean you have to like him, right?

look at that, it was like she was second guessing herself. but it was just an errant thought, of course. a random dream that you had once…or twice…okay, so more than that. but zoe knew it wasn’t possible, so she never dwelt on it for too long amounts of time. it was too…stressful? you could say that. it just ended up making her even more mad, after all. the kid just…knew how to get under her skin. the thing was, he could do it without even trying. there was no effort on his part. he didn’t treat her any different than any of the other people that annoyed her, but yet she hated him so much more than the others. hate. such a strong word. zoe’s parents had always told her to never hate anyone, it wasn’t right. it was almost impossible to totally hate a person, they said. there was always just strong dislike. that was one thing zoe never agreed with, though. like just look at that couple walking past! the way that girl clung onto the guy’s arm who obviously didn’t care…she strongly disliked her already. her parents were just crazy on that one, she figured.

averting her attention from the not-so-happy couple, zoe channeled her anger towards jamie again. another scowl on her face, she growled, i wasn’t joking. i would never accept your fucking help. oh, great. she was starting to swear. that was never a good sign with zoe, because that meant that a particularly strong bout of anger was coming on. though normally not too common with her, they were when jamie was around, that much was sure. by just a few not-so-friendly comments on his part, too. really, the rational side of her thought, there was no reason to be mad. she had been the one to walk into him, after all. it was more her fault than his, yeah. but the more dominant side of her, the one that was always fighting, thought completely otherwise. he’d been a jerk to stand right in her way, and he hadn’t even bothered to say sorry! he clearly wanted to fight, too. the same look on her face, she growled, her voice continuing to slowly rise until they attracted attention, yeah, because there’s no blame on your part. you weren’t fucking standing right in the middle of the hall where people walk to. bastard. the last word came out a bit quieter than the rest of her rant had, but not too quiet, and she knew he could easily here. part of her knew what sort of reaction she was looking for, too.

TEMPLATE MADE BY EPIC ESMÉ OF CAUTIONv2. ICONS BY BETHANY. ME. (:

[jameson robert bolton]

there's blood on your hands and i know it's mine*
let's kiss like we used to

[/b][/i][/size][/center][/font]

jamie could tell just by looking at zoe that she did not appreciate his existance. actually, anybody could tell, because her face was in a glare that could've killed. instead of glaring back at her, jamie kept a content and emotionless face. he knew that this would probably annoy her to no end, but he didn't really care. in fact, that would be amazing. without a reason as to why the two hated each other so much, he didn't have much sympathy for her in any way whatsoever. maybe if there was a reason, a weak spot, he'd stop being such a dick to her and talk it out. nah. talking took too long, arguing was faster and much more fun. jamie watched as zoe turned her attention to the couple that he had been looking at before. he thought for a moment that he could turn around, run, and escape her wrath for the day. but that would simply just show weakness, would it not? of course it would, and jamie was not a weak fellow. his thoughts were blocked by her sharp words in his ear, and his mind returned back to the current situation: the mouse yelling at the awkwardly tall cat about something she had done. so she wasn't joking, was she? "i wasn't joking either." wait, what was he not joking about? was he not joking about how he wished to have her wit, or how he'd normally help someone up? whatever, it didn't matter. he had spoken, and that was that.

her growl was, he admitted, kind of intimidating in a sort of way. it made one of his eyebrows go up, and his eyes narrowed a little. yeah, because there’s no blame on your part. you weren’t fucking standing right in the middle of the hall where people walk to. jamie gave her a quick glare, and then noticed that people walking past them were watching them like they were two wrestlers in ufc. the younger kids looked back as their parents pulled on their arms to get them going, as if the two teens would start throwing punches at each other and then go off on their child like he/she was on the opponents side. the older people were shaking their heads at the two, most likely because of either the way they were dressed or the type of language zoe was using. an old man actually looked like he was about to tell zoe and jamie off, but thought better of it and went back to his business. bastard. that word really caught jamie's attention. of course, in today's terms, it meant asshole which was perfectly suiting for him. but back in the day, bastard meant an unwanted child born to parents who weren't married. at the time of jamie's birth, his parents were in fact not married at all. they were actually more along the lines of a 70's version of zoe and jamie, and this exact conversation that was happening between these two probably happened to jamie's parents. so jamie was basically an accident, the reason why his parents got married. he noticed that whenever he was around his parents would be all lovey-dovey, but was it actually real? jamie doubted that. he had thought of what might be going on, but couldn't accept that that was true. jamie created a conspiracy that as soon as jamie left the house for good to go off to school or to live on his own, his parents would split up and leave each other for good. perhaps that was the reason that jamie had no younger siblings.

jamie couldn't contain his anger very well. drugs will do that to you. but somehow, the boy managed to just grit his teeth together, narrow his eyes, and stare at zoe with a cold death stare. he wanted to forget what he had just said, but it wouldn't get out of his mind. jamie took a few deep breaths in. somewhere along in this conversation he had made himself shorter by bending his legs so the two were around the same height. well, not very close, but at least he wasn't at his full 6'5. he finally managed to unclench his teeth, and the muscles in his face relaxed a bit. "So explain to me why I can't walk where other people walk. That's kind of what hallways are for, Zoe. And maybe you shouldn't listen to your music so loudly, because maybe then you'd be able to fucking concentrate and see me." perhaps jamie should start practicing what he was preaching, but it didn't matter right now. taking his anger out on someone other than himself made him feel a hell of a lot better, and he could really kill for a cigarette right now. but that could wait, he supposed. the two were in an intense arguement that jamie would certainly not back down from, not after what she had said. she may not have meant it in the way that he had taken it, but he sure as hell was not happy by that. jamie had leaned in when he had spoken, and he could smell her perfume or whatever the fuck she was wearing. it smelled good, and it helped to calm him down a little. just thinking about the word bastard right now made him start shaking with anger, and this helped to balance him out now that he had semi-regained control of himself.




tagged zoe!
count 915
outfit here!
notes wow. that was long.

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[zoe carolyn van wright]

I SMILE WHEN I'M ANGRY, I CHEAT AND I LIE ,
i do what i have to do to get by. but i know what is wrong, and i know what is right. and i’d die for the truth
( IN MY S E C R E T LIFE )

though zoe had no way to explain her hate for jamie, sometimes she really couldn’t understand why it had to be him. because as she looked at him, the shape of his eyes and the way his hair managed to stick in just the right number of different directions…part of her just wished it could have been someone else that she’d hated from first site. there was always a part of zoe that felt this way. tough on the outside, tough on the inside, but a small part of her that felt otherwise. everything would have been so much simpler if she’d had unexplained for some other random guy, and not jamie. because while she did hate his guts, she knew that if she really tried, it wouldn’t be totally impossible for her to get along with him. probably. wouldn’t it be nice, though, to just try something different? be nice to the kid for a day? or start all over, really get to know him, and be his friend. the thought of being friends with jamie bolton…it repulsed her and amazed her at the same time, in a way that nothing else could. the rational part of her, the part that didn’t necessarily fight all the time but didn’t dream of things being different, told her that this wasn’t possible. it would never happen, and she’d just have to get over it. sure, he was good-looking and all, but this was the way things would always be and she’d better get used to it. stop dreaming, girl. get back to reality.

as zoe stood in front of jamie, fuming, she couldn’t help but notice in her peripheral vision the other mall-goers walking past. they didn’t look too pleased by the sight of the angsty teenagers standing in the middle of the hallway where people could be walking. they probably just weren’t happy that they had to walk around. that, or they were ashamed with today’s teenage generation. this wasn’t what they were like as kids, they’d say. they were more respectable, so much more well-behaved. psh. that was a load of bullshit. zoe knew full well that her parents’ generation, as kids, were horrible, probably as bad as today’s in some ways. shooting up every friday, smoking joints on the weekends, screwing around, vandalizing, everything they did today and more. they just liked to make themselves sound good now that they were out of that stage of their life. now her grandparents’ generation, who knew about them. zoe hadn’t talked to her grandparents since she was four. they never really played a big role in her life. she only saw them once in a great while. the last time she saw them she was thirteen, and didn’t even bother to talk to them. they pretty much hated her now, anyway, so it didn’t even matter. a lot of zoe’s family didn’t approve of her new attitude or sense of style. the only people who didn’t totally mind were her parents, who knew that she was old enough now to live her own life and make her own decisions, and she loved them all the more for that.

the look on jamie’s face almost made her falter for a moment. but she quickly regained her stature, no worries. she could tell that she’d finally said the right — or wrong — thing, and he was beyond pissed now. he was mad. but she figured he wouldn’t go as far as to throw punches right in the middle of a mall. they’d get thrown out, after all. but if she got him mad enough, it wouldn’t have surprised her if he did. that wasn’t really what she was looking for right now, though. sure, it would be fun to watch him get thrown out, but she didn’t want to get thrown out with him. she had money to spend, and there was a new skeleanimal waiting for her just down the hallway. now would not be a good time to get kicked out, and especially with jamie by her side. who knows what he’d do when they were outside, after all. because strong or not, he was taller than her, and easily had the advantage in a physical fight. she stood a chance, but it wasn’t the greatest. her odds were never good when she was fighting jamie. when the tall kid bent his knees so he was down to her height, she couldn’t help but have to suppress a giggle. it was amusing, after all. the thought of this big guy being her height for once. it was almost nicer, though. like he was in reach for…no! stop it! that wasn’t going to happen, and especially not here, in the middle of the mall! god, zoe. get a grip.

as jamie started to speak in a low, cold voice, zoe stared straight back into his eyes the whole time, trying to look as intimidating as possible. jamie knew what she was capable of by now, but she also knew that he knew that he had the upper hand no matter what. all she had was her femininity, which caused stereotypes, meaning that if something did happen here, that jamie would get in the most trouble. she continued to stare straight into his — beautiful — eyes as she began to defend herself. i wasn’t under the impression that listening to music made it harder to see people. somehow jamie seemed even more bothered by her than normal. yeah, she’d definitely said something she hadn’t before. slowly, she began to run over what she’d said to him in her mind. nothing out of the ordinary…wait. bastard. maybe that had done it. was he…was he a bastard? not that that made zoe think any differently of the kid, especially about something that he had no control of, but could that have been what bothered him so much and made this confrontation so different than the others? the word danced on the tip of her tongue, and she was ready to let it go again, just to see what he would do. sure enough, her curiosity got the better of her, and she uttered with a smirk, doesn’t matter, you’re still a bastard.

TEMPLATE MADE BY EPIC ESMÉ OF CAUTIONv2. ICONS BY BETHANY. ME. (:

[jameson robert bolton]

there's blood on your hands and i know it's mine*
let's kiss like we used to

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for a moment there, jamie thought that zoe had seemed a little less intense. it wasn't by much, but it looked like she had seemed almost a little intimidated. with the look that jamie had just gave her, he would have to admit that if he would've been on the recieving end, he'd be scared too. not too many people got that look from jamie. well, not anymore, anyway. when he was younger, a lot of people would tease him because of his height and his ears. his ears were and still are an odd shape, and they stuck out to the extreme when he was younger. the first few times that he got teased about it, he just thought it would be a temperary thing and let it go. then, when he started to constantly get bugged about it, he started to get a mixture of depression and anger, and eventually took it all out on the next person who talked to him, who just happened to be the girl who started the whole thing. he was in grade one then, so when his parents walked into the school office to see their seven-year-old boy sitting grumpily in a chair with a crying ten-year-old girl sitting across from him with a black eye and a fat lip, they were surprised and just didn't know what to do. his father had had a bit of a temper when he was younger, and still did, so they basically blamed it on genetics. this situation wasn't much different from the last time he had given someone that look, and jamie was pretty sure that he wasn't going to hit her, even though his hands had curled up into fists, with the skin stretching tightly over his knuckles until it looked like you could see the bone underneath. he may hate zoe, but he didn't hate her that much. he had gone through the rest of his childhood being called 'girl-hitter' or 'that one guy that beat up that girl'. he had eventually managed to get people to stop calling him that through a non-violent way, and he didn't want it to start again. he still had this year and another year of school left, if he decided to come back.

i wasn’t under the impression that listening to music made it harder to see people. didn't jamie already say that it was concentration? it's difficult to concentrate on much of anything if you have music blasting in your ears, he knew that for sure. he could never finish his homework (if he even got around to doing it) if he was listening to music. hell, he couldn't do much of anything except sleep and absent-mindedly walk around while he was listening to music. sure, he did have an ipod, but did he actually use it? hardly. he also had a cell phone, and he didn't use that much, either. he didn't talk to anybody that didn't go to school here, and even then, the only people he really talked to were skylar and ethan. and of course zoe, but why would he call or text her? jamie didn't even bother to reply to what she had said, but simply tried to concentrate on calming himself down. he could still smell her scent, and it was relaxing, but not enough. his mouth felt like it was going to explode from his jaws being clenched so tightly, and his ears felt like they were steaming. it was a good thing that the boy was wearing a hat, or people might've seen how cherry-red his ears were getting right now. sure, you could see the bottom of his ears, but they were stretched and therefore not a lot of blood got to them. and besides, the bottom of your ears rarely get red if you're angry or nervous. well, not his ears, anyway.

with his breathing returned to a semi-normal pace, and his heart rate slowing down, he appeared to be totally relaxed on the outside. on the inside, his stomach was twisting in knots, his throat was feeling incredibly dry, and his eyes were feeling dehydrated, too. his green eyes stared into her blue ones. his lips were feeling awfully dry, and he didn't know why. he thought it might be because he was getting so worked up, or maybe because the mall was incredibly humid today, or maybe it was because the distance between her lips and his made him a bit ... well, nervous. he bit a small bit of his lower lip and kept staring into her eyes, as if nothing could break the angsty connection they both had at the moment. again, the thought of a cigarette jumped into his mind. he knew he had one or two in the pocket of his hoodie, but he didn't want to get kicked out of the mall for lighting up in the middle of the hallway. fighting is a decent excuse, but smoking in a non-smoking area is another sign of weakness in which you can't help yourself from your habits. when zoe spoke again, that was almost enough to get jamie's hand up and make his right palm connect with her cute little cheek. his arm started shaking slightly, and his eyes narrowed again. his upper lip curled up in an obvious look of hatred, and he shook his head. jamie was about to say 'so?' but, not wanting her to know about that little bit of information he kept to himself, he made the beginning of 'so' sound like "shut the fuck up." which was a pretty great talent, if you ask me. wow, this girl really knew where to hit hard, didn't she? he was literally at loss for words, but his face said it all for him. just the look he gave her said 'fuck off, you're a fucking bitch. i hate you.' but was that what he was really thinking, or was that what he wanted to think?




tagged zoe!
count 1oo2
outfit here!
notes Ooh, a little open-end. haha.

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[zoe carolyn van wright]

I SMILE WHEN I'M ANGRY, I CHEAT AND I LIE ,
i do what i have to do to get by. but i know what is wrong, and i know what is right. and i’d die for the truth
( IN MY S E C R E T LIFE )

ever since she was young, zoe had always been the short one. she’d never been tall, not once in her life. you know how when you’re little, in elementary school, there’s that one kid who’s taller than all the others, and then when the class hit high school he or she was the short one as his or her classmates shot up? or the other way around, where one kid is always short, and then he or she gets older and grows taller than everyone else? zoe was neither of them. she was just always short. condemned to a life of shortness forever. but really, the girl didn’t mind all that much. it was nice to be short, in a way. sure, there were things she couldn’t do with this height, such as dunk a basketball or see the top of people’s heads, but who wanted to do those things anyway? her height came in handy sometimes, especially when it came to fights. not only was she a girl, which would make a lot of guys shy away from hitting her, but she was short, too, making her look even more innocent. but everyone who knew zoe knew that she was the farthest thing from innocent, ever. not only did she have a nasty temper and all, but she went out to parties more than the average kid her age did, and she fooled around a lot. graffiti, crime, the whole deal. sure, some of that stuff was secret, but there were always at least a few kids in on it with her. she wasn’t innocent in the slightest.

zoe’s thoughts shifted once again to how different it would be if she hadn’t hated jamie the first time she saw him. maybe they would even be friends. good friends, even. they looked alike, in a way, and looked like they could be in the same clique in school. well, okay, so maybe that was a stereotype. the fact that if kids looked like they belonged in the same group, or wore similar clothes and such, that they got along. because really, that was amazingly far from true. that was more of an adults’ stereotype, anyway. most of the kids weren’t dumb enough to fall for that, mostly because they themselves were probably enemies with someone in their “clique.” kids just, well, didn’t show that all to adults, who wouldn’t be too pleased to find out that their darling daughter called her so-called “best friend” a whore or something worse. they wouldn’t be too pleased to even know that their daughter knew the word whore. parents were pretty oblivious these days, zoe had to say. they didn’t pay nearly enough attention in their children’s lives. but they could keep it that way. it was probably better this way, she reasoned. it gave the kids a lot more freedom. because if parents ever found out what their kids really got up to, it would probably be hell on all fronts. then they’d be grounded or holed up or whatever and not able to do anything until they turned twenty. okay, well, eighteen. your parents can’t control you after you turn eighteen. a lot of kids waited anxiously for that day, but zoe was okay giving it time — as long as her parents didn’t figure out what she did in her free time.

fighting. it was never a great thing, and yet it was what zoe spent a lot of that aforementioned free time doing. wouldn’t it have been so much healthier if she took up some other hobby? like…like knitting, for example. okay, screw that. who knits? but maybe painting, or writing. something that she could do some good with. keep her parents happy, stay out of trouble, and maybe even help the community by donating a painting to city hall or something like that. volunteering probably would have been something good for her to do, too. she knew one of her best friends had that problem, where her mom was constantly volunteering her to do things. but that was a little different in her case, because it clearly wasn’t a hobby. her friend was always pissed about it, she recalled. getting forced to go do whatever for the food pantry and the animal shelter and local churches and whatnot when she could be out partying with zoe. well, anyone would rather do the latter, zoe thought to herself with a smirk. yeah, the girl could be a little vain sometimes. she did think rather highly of herself. but she just viewed it as confidence. it was a good thing to be confident, right? that way you had great self-esteem and all. screw volunteering and all that. who needed that to boost their self-esteem? zoe’s thoughts of herself were already through the roof. she didn’t need anyone or anything to make her feel good about herself. the only thing she didn’t like, after all, was the fact that she hated —

no. shut up. things weren’t going to be any different, so she didn’t have to worry about that! there was no way things between her and jamie would ever change. they would stay as enemies forever and there was nothing neither of them could do to change that. she would just have to get over it, grit her teeth, and move on. no use crying over spilled milk. she’d had the reaction she did when she first saw and talked to the kid, and now she had to just keep going on. it was pointless, really, to dream about it being different. jamie didn’t even want to be her friend, after all. she was sure about that. yeah, so she’d never really asked him that or anything, but it was pretty pointless too. the way he talked to her and acted around her pretty much answered her question right there. there was no way, absolutely no chance at all, that he would be having second thoughts just like she was. hell, jamie was the only person zoe had actually bothered to think about how it would be different if they got along. well, maybe that had something to do with the fact that he was the only one that she…well, found herself attracted to, on any level. sure, zoe had had her fair share of hook-ups just like the rest of the kids in the school had, but she really hadn’t had many steady relationships before. okay, well, scratch that. she’d never had one. ever. but just staring at jamie…wow, did she want to change. ah, snap out of it, girl. you’re crazy. staring into his eyes, she snarled right back with one of her worst comebacks, it’s a free country. yeah, pathetic, but she couldn’t help but notice how close they were right now, and she couldn’t think clearly with his mouth so close to hers…

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TEMPLATE MADE BY EPIC ESMÉ OF CAUTIONv2. ICONS BY BETHANY. ME. (:

[jameson robert bolton]

there's blood on your hands and i know it's mine*
let's kiss like we used to

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i guess you could say that with jamie, there were a lot of secrets. among the students of carson, he was probably arguably the most secretive student, on terms that people didn't really know who he was. they knew his name, but that didn't count because it was a simple thing. well, some of the students knew his name. he knew that he didn't take time out of his day everyday to memorize every person's name at the school, and anybody who actually did that deserved a punch in the mouth. but back on the subject of secrets; everyone has one or two. jamie has more than that. way, way more than that. zoe could've just easily figured out one of his secrets, the fact that he didn't think that his parents actually loved each other, and were just playing it up to make jamie a bit more happier. it would've made him a hell of a lot happier if they had just been themselves. jamie knew kids at school who had seperated parents, and they looked like they were doing just fine. jamie appeared to be doing just fine, too, but he certainly was not, so he didn't know if some of the other students were just acting, like this was all sort of some big play, or an audition, and at death (which would be the curtain call), there would be applause and everything they had done had been because somebody else had written them a script. as far as he knew, though, there would be no applause at his curtain call, there would be no 'congrats, well done!', there would be no encore, there would be none of that. it was as if he were just that kid who never got to be much of anything. the tree in the thanksgiving play, the bumblebee in the very back row at the spring celebration. nothing important here, keep on moving. he didn't have very many friends, anyway. since nobody knew a lot about him and everyone knew that he hung out with the kid who committed the shootings, they thought he was creepy or weird or something like that. he had the occasional friend, but he didn't have 'besties' or anything like that. just people he would strike up casual conversations with during classes or people who would wave to him and say 'hello' in the hallways. besides, he really didn't want to have close friends, because that meant inviting them over to his house and that meant trying to keep them away from the little dresser thing beside his bed where he kept his other secret.

before we get to that, though, we'll go through his second secret, which eventually ties into his drug use. if you've ever taken the time to notice the skull he has tattooed on the inside of his left arm, you'd think it's just one of those things that he saw and said 'oh lawd, i gotta have that permanantly inked on my skin somewhere' and thought that he'd put it on his arm where he could always see it. but no, that wasn't the case. his father's best friends son was going to art school for tattooing, and he need someone to practice on. well, not practice, but you get my point. jamie volunteered, because he had noticed that because of his continued heroin use there were little needle marks that were showing on the crease of his elbow and his arm, and if you looked closely it was pretty obvious what he was doing. so, in conclusion, he picked out a skull (which was pretty much the easiest thing ever) and jason put it on him. his mother was not so happy at him, because he said that it made him look 'too old.' because he's supposed to look like he's five when he's seventeen. right. so you've probably already guess that his third secret is his drug use. something that could easily kill him, and something that has gone beyond his control. jamie was sure that he could stop if he put his mind to it, but it was so much easier to just let it keep going on. much less effort.

there certainly was a lot of snarling going on here, was there? jamie's face still had an angry look about it, and zoe wasn't getting any happier. although she was looking rather good-looking, he had to admit that. what the hell was he talking about? of course she was good looking. he had always thought that. i guess you could count that as another one of his secrets. this was probably one of the secrets that would be found out last, because it's not that obvious. well, if you knew that he liked her, you'd realise it and be like 'oh, okay, i see it now' because of when she glared at him or said something to him that wasn't very kind, he'd smile or smirk or something like that. people who didn't know about his little 'crush' would think that that was used as a tactic, some sort of annoyance thing. perhaps it did work out as a tactic, too, but to him it was just a smile. nothing important. well, it was important. he hadn't really thought of it before, but perhaps the reason why he smiled was to see if maybe she'd give him a chance. wait, no. you'd probably not give her a chance, that would just break your entire image. why the hell would she give you a chance? silly jameson. always thinking outside the box, into a reality that only you can see, and even you have a hard time seeing it. it's a free country. is that so? if it was a free country, why did he have to hide so many things? it's not like he wants to hide things, especially not his feelings for zoe. with that thought in mind, jamie's eyes fell to the girls lips, and then back up at her eyes. the whole action only took a moment to complete, but it seemed like forever in his mind. all he had to do now was tilt his chin up a little, and move just a slight bit closer to her, and they would kiss. again, everything that the seventeen-year-old was doing felt like it was happening in slow motion. after what seemed like hours of waiting for his muscles to react to what his brain was telling them to do, his lips became inches, centimeters, millimeters closer to hers. just before their lips met, he made eye contact with zoe, and pressed his mouth to hers. if this were a play, or a movie, this was the moment in which the camera would be doing circles around them, and everything around them would freeze or be moving slow motion, not unlike jamie had been acting. god, he didn't want this to end. he probably just committed social suicide, but he didn't care. if this moment was his last, he'd die a happy man.




tagged zoe!
count 1179
outfit here!
notes yay! *hug*

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[zoe carolyn van wright]

I SMILE WHEN I'M ANGRY, I CHEAT AND I LIE ,
i do what i have to do to get by. but i know what is wrong, and i know what is right. and i’d die for the truth
( IN MY S E C R E T LIFE )

standing in the mall here with jamie, well, it gave her the most intense urges to go and buy something. yeah, she was in a mall, and that’s what she’d come there for in the first place, right? yeah, and she wasn’t getting too much by just standing here. not like she was going to just walk away, though. that would constitute as giving up for her. and she would never back down on a fight, especially with jamie. that would just be, well, humiliating. because what if we went around telling people that he beat her? that he won? sure, it would mean that he beat a girl and all, but that girl was zoe, instantly making it a big deal. sure, she looked innocent and all and a lot of guys wouldn’t hit a girl, but the reputation that she’d built up over the years meant that not everybody looked at her that way. she was quite the feisty little girl, and everyone that knew her knew that. maybe that was part of the reason that she really didn’t have that many friends. she had some, obviously, but she wasn’t like super popular in school or anything. well, not like she ever would be. i mean, look at her. she’s more scene than anything, and that’s never the popular kid in school. the popular kids are always preppy and perfect. man, did she hate them. being the negative, feisty person she was, zoe didn’t deal too well with kids like that. they irritated her to no end, with their ‘like, omg’ and ‘yay hollister’ and all that crap. even if it was never directed at her, she still couldn’t stand it.

never, not once in her life, had zoe ever felt an urge to shop at hollister. or abercrombie & fitch, american eagle, or aeropostale. the world was better off with all of them gone, in her opinion. they were over-shopped, way overpriced, and just not worth her time. zoe didn’t want to look like a clone like everyone else, all those preppy little perfect girls who wear the same shirts and go ‘oh my gosh! i love your shirt! where’d you get it?’ well no shit sherlock, she got it at the same place you did. zoe’s temper was probably even shorter than she was. she didn’t have the patience for any of that world. she preferred her spencer’s and hot topic over anything. and roxy, of course. that was one of her addictions, practically. they had the most amazing stuff. that was why zoe spent a lot of her time at the mall. they had everything she needed. skinny jeans, band tees, even hair dye. come to think of it, zoe wanted to do something with her hair again. this simple black needed…a little oomph. maybe a little pink in there, or some electric blue streaks. zoe was always like that, wanting to be different, get herself noticed. yeah, she was a little of an attention whore. but she still considered herself different from the preppy popular girls like that. she at least did it in a less extreme way, as she considered it. but really, didn’t it make more sense the way she did it? how can you stick out by looking like everybody else? it truly just didn’t make any sense to her. she wondered sometimes if she was the only one that thought that. it seemed so, at times.

zoe just never looked at the world in the same way as anybody else. she was about as one-of-a-kind as it got, to be honest. she never cared what others thought, and just wanted to be herself. yeah, she wanted to be noticed and all, but what those people thought of her, that never mattered, not one bit. it never had and it never would. well, that was her outlook on life at the moment, anyway. there was no thought of her ever having to change it, either. she liked living the way she was right now. well, except for the whole jamie problem, even if she wouldn’t admit that to anyone else, or hardly to herself. zoe never liked to admit that she was wrong, and especially not in this case. not that there was really any way to prove she was wrong, really. this couldn’t be something that you were right or wrong about. it was just something that happened, and something that would never change. they were stuck like this now. they’d had their reaction, they’d picked the fights, and now they were enemies forever. but if it had ever been different…if zoe hadn’t freaked out on the kid, if they’d started talking nicely, and turned into friends…would they be something more today? would jamie feel the same way that zoe felt about him? well, she wasn’t totally sure of her feelings for the kid, though. she found it more strange than anything that she really did feel this way. were they real? were these feelings genuine? or was she just messing with herself? she was a teenager, it could happen. she could be imagining this whole thing.

the idea of this being fake hovered near the front of her mind as jamie’s mouth moved in even closer to hers. oh, god. what was he doing? she was seriously getting nervous now. this shouldn’t be happening. it couldn’t be. there was no way it was. oh, no. gosh, no. jamie didn’t like her. he hated her. he absolutely hated her. he wanted to kill her guts. so why in the world were his lips so close to hers right now? what had started out as a regular, heated argument between the two of them had turned into something totally different. and though it instantly repulsed the girl, she couldn’t help but feel adrenaline pulsing through her veins at the excitement and exhilaration of this moment. though she was terrified, scared shitless, at the time she knew in her mind that a part of her had wanted this. it didn’t happen too often with enemies, did it? they never fell in love, right? it had to be all in her head. there was no other rational explanation for this. but as jamie’s lips were only an inch, a millimeter, less than that, away from hers, she started to realize that this probably wasn’t just a coincidence. how could it be? jamie couldn’t hate her 100% if this was what he was doing. well, that, or he felt the same way that she did right now. confused, not totally sure what was going on. it was possible. but then it happened. he kissed her. their lips connected. and zoe…well, her mind was a mix and jumble of emotions. he’d kissed her! oh my god! she hated him, he hated her! what the…what the hell was he doing? oh, great. her anger started to kick in. she fucking hated this kid, why the hell was he kissing her? just when she’d started to get into it, zoe broke away, wiping her mouth angrily with her sleeve. but as she stood there, fuming silently, zoe started to realize that it wasn’t totally his fault. she was mad at herself, too. finally, breathing heavily, she tore her eyes away from his face and turned around and just started to run. anything to get away from this. she’d wrecked everything. she just had to leave…

TEMPLATE MADE BY EPIC ESMÉ OF CAUTIONv2. ICONS BY BETHANY. ME. (:

i'm not sure if you want to reply to this or not, seeing as she's just gonna leave...it's up to you. if you don't i'll lock it. just let me know! :]
<3