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Post by jameson robert bolton on Aug 16, 2009 22:51:04 GMT -6
 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -A CHERRY SUNSET BLOSSOMS, BUT WE'RE NOT THERE TO WATCH IT FALLON THE VACANT CANVAS WE SHOULD BE WAITING WITH OUR FACE DOWN IN THE GRASS[/FONT] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -[/center]
the drive home from school were usually slow and painful. today was no different, and seeing as it was friday, things were being extra slow and slowness didn't work well with jamie. although he was an extremely lazy person and didn't do much, when he wanted to do something, you did it. there were no ifs, ands, or buts. usually jamie didn't have to complain too much until he got what he wanted, and his mother was so used to it that she either blocked him out of her hearing, turned up the radio (if they were in the car) or just gave him what he wanted. usually, the first two of those options never worked, because he'd either repeatedly say 'mom' over and over until she gave in and since they were in the car, he'd usually be sitting shotgun unless they were driving with jim and he'd turn down the volume and continue saying 'mom' or 'dad'. if he was in the backseat, he'd actually climb into the front seat and turn down the volume, therefore getting what he wanted again. childish, yes. effective, most certainly.
however, this was not one of those situations where he could turn down the volume, climb into the front seat or repeat words over and over. he was quite content with rob zombie blowing out his ear drums, he was already in the front seat because he was driving, and there was nobody to yell at. well, except torben. but you can't really yell at someone over texting, can you? throughout this whole traffic jam thing, jamie had resorted to his phone to complain to torben about how shitty this was, especially since it should only take him like, fifteen minutes to get home from school and not the fourty-five minutes it had already taken him. the traffic was slowly inching along and the sun was really hot today. not jamie's favorite weather. he slouched in the car seat, which was becoming unbearably hot and sticky, and almost wanted to slam his forehead down on the steering wheel, but he knew that would most definately result in the horn going off, which would attract attention and make him seem like a major dick.
half an hour later, jamie had managed to make it into his family's apartment in one piece. after he had wished the traffic would speed up, it did. it was looking like everything was going in his favor, because even the old bitchy mrs mitchell gave him a red sucker on his way down the hall. she usually growled at him or told him to pull up his pants, but she seemed to be in a nice mood today. plus, he didn't know she approved of candy. her grandkids must be over or something. before the kids could see him, though, he slid into the door of his apartment and shut the door behind him, and was quickly greeted by his cat, spencer. right at the now, jamie was not interested in playing with the cat, so he went under the sink, grabbed the thing of cat food and just dropped it on the floor, letting spencer have as much as she wanted. honestly, he didn't care about her health or anything right now. after a stressful day at school with getting in trouble and getting detentions he's never going to go to, plus homework and the traffic jam, this kid was stressed. all he needed to do was relax. and what did a teenager do to relax? usually texting, computers, tv, or a nap. but not jamie. he wasn't your usual teenager.
the seventeen-year-old walked through the small living room and into his own room, which immediately did not allow him to breathe. maybe he should use his window more often, instead of having it tightly shut and a black tiger blanket over it so no sun peeked in in the mornings. deciding that it was better if he opened the window for at least an hour or so, he tore off the tiger blanket and pulled up on the window. it was no easy task. never in the seven years he had lived in this apartment had he had the window open, and it looked like it was used to being closed and damn well enjoyed it, thank you very much. but with one strong tug, the window slid open and a cool breeze immediately touched his exposed skin. he shivered a bit, and then walked over to and eventually fell on his bed. it wasn't fancy, it was pretty much two mattresses stacked on top of one another. jamie didn't need a fancy bed, there was really no reason for it unless you lived in your own house and didn't plan on moving anytime soon. he moved his head so he was looking up, and saw his closet. it looked so welcoming right now and not just because it was a small, cool place.
ten minutes later, jamie was sitting on the counter in the kitchen, smoking a small joint and waiting for some water to boil on the stove. he realised that he should probably open a window so when his mom gets home she didn't smell the weed and blow up in jamie's face about it. he had been caught before and swore he'd never do it again, but of course, that was a lie. almost everything the kid said nowadays was a lie, with only a few exceptions. one of them was obviously zoe. that part of his life was for surely not a lie. another part of him was the fact that he was obviously willing to hurt his body to get what he wanted, even if it was only a small escape and relaxation that he couldn't find anywhere else. jamie jumped down from the counter, and coughed a cough that was not healthy on any level. you know, the kind that sounded like the person was hacking their lungs out? yeah. that kind.
he decided that the water was hot enough, and he put it on a different burner. talking a quick walk over to his room, he opened a drawer in his dresser that had two or three empty syringes. he took one and ripped open the little paper bag it was in and walked back to the kitchen. he took off the little lid thing that had the actual needle, and dipped the container into the hot water, burning his fingers a bit. it hurt, but his altered state of mind made it seem less painful. he looked at the level of water, and decided that that was good enough. the water had started to cool off, but it was still steaming a bit. he blew inside the little tube to blow it off, but that only caused him to cough more, and it felt like he was going to puke. he put his head down for a moment and closed his eyes, and coughed again. it felt like a thousand knives were tearing apart his insides, and that was not a pleasant feeling to have. he coughed up something, and he spit it out on his floor, not caring about what his parents would say. it would be a lot more mild than what they would say to this.
he mixed in a bit of a little white powder that he poured in from a small white baggie, and when the entireity of the contents were in the water, he sighed. there was over one hundred dollars of his money in this little syringe, but it was going to be so worth it. he twisted the needle part on the syringe and hoisted himself (painfully) back on the counter. he brought up one of his feet, stripped himself of his shoe and sock, and twisted the end of his jeans to constrict the veins a bit. with his other hand, he shook the syringe and flicked it, making sure everything was mixed properly. it looked like it. locating a bright blue vein on jamie's foot was not a difficult task, the only hard part was putting the needle in. the top of his feet were so scarred from the various needlemarks, it was hard to put the needle in so it didn't hurt as much. but he wanted - no, needed - this so much now that he didn't care about the pain anymore. even though the boy was terrified of needles, he took a deep breath in a gentle eased the point into his skin. it didn't hurt. he pushed down the top and felt a warm, tingly sensation running through his entire body. his brain started to get foggy, but he had to finish pressing down on this thing or he wouldn't get the whole meal deal. he put his head back with his eyes closed until he felt the entire contents of hte syringe in his body, then pulled out the needle and put it on the counter. he just felt so ... relaxed. there was nothing that could beat this feeling.
then, he realised that he couldn't breath. he knew this was normal, and that it would pass. but when he felt something dripping down his mouth, then his chin, and hten on his shirt, he knew that there was something wrong. in his current stupor, the boy looked down and saw that his nose was streaming with blood. he lifted up the bottom of his shirt to catch the blood from going all over the floor, and jumped off the counter so he could go lay down. jumping off of things were not very good when you're on heroin, and they often ended fatally or you got hurt. fortuanately, jamie got the last option. he had miscalculated where he was going to land, and managed to slip and fall onto the floor. and that was all he could remember.
***
ugh. everything hurt. his head felt like it had been cracked open and drilled in and everything. his hands, well, they were numb. he couldn't feel them. his neck hurt like a bitch and his back was unbearable. his legs? hurt like hell. his feet were completely out of the question. they hurt the second most after his head. even with his blurred vision, he could see that he had all kinds of machines all around him. he could hear people talking beside him, and he only caught bits of their conversation. "internal bleeding ... overdose ... skull fracture ... consussion ... " oh man, what a poor sucker. whoever had all those things wrong with him must be in a lot of pain right now. all the machines had different wires or tubes, and they were all connected to him. okay, this was freaky. making a questioning and worried kind of sound, he tried to sit up but failed miserably. he cried out in pain as he felt a thousand fists punch him in the stomach and the back, and the feeling of his head against the pillow was anything but comforting. he felt something against his nose, and reached up to pull it out, but a pair of strong hands stopped him. he recognised the voice immediately. it was his doctor, doctor apperley. if jamie had the ability to talk right now, he would be yelling at him and asking him all sorts of questions. but for now, all he had was the ability to try and free himself from these beeping machines and get out of here ASAP.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - STATUS:
NOTES: HOLY SHIT.
TAGGED: beth and zoe? <3
WORDS: 1922
OUTFIT: here!
LYRICS: bring me the horizon - who wants flowers when they're dead? nobody.
CREDIT: RETRO GLAMOUR ! @ CAUTION 2.0
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Post by zoe carolyn van wright on Aug 19, 2009 19:48:41 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -   DON'T PATRONIZE, I REALIZEi'm loosing and this is my real life*life was so insanely complicated sometimes. something really horrible or confusing would happen, and then there was nothing you could do about it. you wanted to, really bad, but you were stuck in that predicament. there was almost always never a simple way out of things. well, that seemed to be multiplied tenfold if you were zoe van wright. her life had been so confusing for the past year and she felt sometimes like she was going to lose it. the main subject of this confusedness being, naturally, jamie bolton. the kid had been the most annoying person in the world to her, ever, and now she was dating him. i know, right? how the hell did that happen?! just one part of an explanation about how confusing and complicated her life was. if you’d asked her just a month or two ago if she could see herself with jamie, well … she probably would have punched you. the idea would seem so absurd to her. she hadn’t realized her true feelings for the kid until late. mainly that day in the mall when he’d just kissed her out of the blue. but zoe had been confused and just left then and there, not bothering to stay for an explanation. no, it had definitely been easier for her to just get out of there. she had to reassemble her thoughts and figure out what was going on. because at that time she was finally starting to realize how she really felt about jamie. and it just didn’t make sense! how in the world could she actually like him? it didn’t seem right. impossible, really. whenever before had two people who absolutely hated each other fallen in love?! it was just … immoral or something. so not right. but it had happened, and now they were together. and to be completely honest, zoe truthfully couldn’t be happier. it was nice to not have to hide these feelings she’d been having for a while now.
you see, zoe is always the first girl to admit that she does care about her appearance and image. maybe not so much popularity, obviously, but her image was important to her. she never wanted to be wrong, for it was the most embarrassing thing in the world for her to admit that she was wrong, even if it was for something small and/or stupid. she just couldn’t handle that. it wasn’t good for her image, but that wasn’t the only reason. see, zoe is extremely stubborn. probably one of the most stubborn people you’d ever meet. no matter what it is, like i said, she absolutely cannot admit that she was wrong. it’s the hardest thing in the world for her to do. and when she is wrong and won’t admit it, when she’s confronted, well, she takes it out in other forms, mainly physically. maybe that was part of the reason why zoe was such a violent person, especially for a girl. when you see her she looks so short and innocent, but just get to know her and that changes. it’s all part of the image, honey. it had taken so much out of her to admit everything to jamie, but it seemed now like at least it had paid off. she knew this would be the only exception, though. she wasn’t going to go start spilling her guts and admitting her wrongs to everyone. oh god, that would be crazy. she wouldn’t be able to do that even if she wanted to. the jamie situation had just been an exception. it also didn’t hurt that he’d shouted out everything he thought just before she did. yeah, that probably had something to do with it and how it hadn’t been the worst thing in the world for her to do, even if it was hard.
but she had told everything to jamie, and now they were together. surprisingly. they still fought, of course, but it wasn’t nearly as much and it wasn’t really all that physical either. the fighting at least. this was what was on zoe’s mind when all of a sudden her thoughts were interrupted by a call. her eyebrows furrowing, she rolled over on her bed where she’d been watching tv — or moreover, staring blankly at it — to look at it. jamie. hmm, weird. she’s just seen him earlier in school today and they had plans tomorrow. but whatever. it wasn’t like she’d ignore his call. still a little confused, she picked up the phone only to hear not jamie, but his mom. and she was freaking out. like, majorly. when she finished freaking zoe dropped her phone, speechless. oh my god. this was not good. this was fucking not good. she scrambled to pick up the phone. “i’ll be right there,” she said to his mom, hanging up and rushing out of her dorm, only stopping to grab her keys. the ride to jamie’s place was short, mainly because she was speeding so much. but this was a fucking emergency, what did you expect?! she ran up to their apartment and entered without knocking, only to find … no one. there was no one here. that must’ve meant she’d already gotten jamie to the hospital, right? right? oh, god. in a daze, without knowing why, zoe walked now slowly into jamie’s bedroom, her head spinning. wait. zoe stopped, staring at his mattress. there was … a paper sticking out. with a — what the fuck?! momentarily forgetting why she was here, zoe reached down to take out the paper. okay, why the hell did her boyfriend have a picture of the creepiest face under his bed? it scared the shit out of her, that much was for sure. suddenly intrigued, she reached down to search under the mattress only to find … a book. huh? she took it out, opening to the first page. he had a journal? that was … cute. zoe smiled a bit, closing the book after shoving in the creepy ass face.
it was only then that zoe remembered why she was here. shit! she shoved the journal hastily into her hello kitty bag that she’d brought for some odd reason and left the apartment in a hurry, slamming the door as well as her car door as she sped back down the road. she had to get to the hospital and she had to get there now. again it took her almost no time at all, what with the speed she was driving at. definitely not safe but she didn’t care. she wasn’t the one in real danger right now. no, that was jamie and she had to see him now, see if he was breathing, if he was even alive … that last word shook her and she put on an extra burst of speed before pulling into the hospital parking lot. she slammed the door for the fiftieth time, grabbing her bag and keys and hurrying into the hospital … only to be stuck in a line. oh, hell. she couldn’t exactly budge in front of the line, especially not in a hospital. she would probably get punched. and then she would punch the person back and yeah. not exactly the smartest idea. zoe waited impatiently in line, tapping her foot like those girls in movies did. finally, how many minutes later, she found herself at the front of the line. “oh, yes,” she said, shaking herself out of a daze of worried thoughts. “i’m — i’m looking for jamie. i mean, jameson bolton. it’s an emergency, so hurry, please.” that didn’t sound too bad, did it? okay, well clearly it did to the receptionist, who gave her a dirty look before turning around to get out a folder while zoe promptly flipped her off. bitch. an eternity later, she turned around to say, “yes, miss in-a-hurry, he’s in room 614. and he’s fine, so take a chill pill.” definitely not the friendliest receptionist in the world. but zoe ignored that as she sped off to find wherever the hell room 614 was. she didn’t know her way around this hospital but she wasn’t about to ask her for help.
everything was such a blur for zoe, even when she finally found herself in front of the door. peering inside, she felt herself breathe a sigh of relief. there he was, laying on his bed, sleeping. definitely not dead. though it appeared like he could be by all of the needles and wires attached to him … god, what were they doing to him? without knocking, again, she invited herself into the room. there was no one else in there, just her and jamie. staring at his face, zoe knew she didn’t have the heart to wake him. the poor kid had gone through hell and would be when he woke up, she knew that. but yet she felt a surge of anger rise up inside her as she sat down to wait. why hadn’t he told her about this? he knew he could trust her, didn’t he? boy, he was in for it. now that she knew he was fine, anyway. she settled into her seat. she wasn’t going anywhere …
zoe was awaken rudely, probably hours later, by a cry of pain. oh no. she knew that cry. she shook herself, opening her eyes only to find that she wasn’t alone in the room with jamie anymore, and that he was awake. she jumped up, terrified, rushing over to the bed. “jamie …” she murmured, not having the heart to yell at him when he looked like he was in so much pain. well, at least not yet. “what the hell were you thinking?” no, she wasn’t yelling. she was just … confused. the yelling would come … later. |
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Post by jameson robert bolton on Aug 20, 2009 13:39:55 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -A CHERRY SUNSET BLOSSOMS, BUT WE'RE NOT THERE TO WATCH IT FALLON THE VACANT CANVAS WE SHOULD BE WAITING WITH OUR FACE DOWN IN THE GRASS [/FONT] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -[/center]
jamie looked around through his almost blinded eyes. he couldn't see anything. all he could make out were general shapes of people, and little squiggly lines everywhere. the only thing he could see relatively clearly were ... rabbits? why the hell were there rabbits in his kitchen? they were all brown, of course. brown rabbits. hmm. the stupid little animals almost made him forget about the knife that seemed to be ripping through his stomach, or the doctors hands restraining him from moving. he tried to move his head to look around, to see all the other rabbits, but when he tried, he just got a searing pain from his temples to his jawline. what the shit was going on? "i ... i think there's rabbits in my head." the boy looked up at his doctor, who had let him go. jamie didn't know that zoe was there, he hadn't heard her say his name or anything. she must've said it when he was screaming. or something. or maybe there were rabbits in his ears!
jamie brought up a hand to rip the so-called rabbit out of his ear, but then his arm was brought back down by dr apperley, who all of a sudden had a syringe in his hand. jamie couldn't see what it was, he just figured maybe the doctor was having a drink. wait, why was the doctor in his kitchen? and why was he drinking? that wasn't practical. jamie could only manage for now making his eyes little slits, partly because he just couldn't open them any farther and partly because - "aah! what the fuck!" he felt a sharp thing entering his arm, and tried to pull his arm away but that wasn't working too well. he closed his eyes as tight as they possibly could. oh god. what was this guy doing? taking blood? why the fuck would he need jamie's blood? didn't he just say overdose? didn't he already know what the fuck happened? "no, no, no! get the fuck away from me!" he then heard his mother say 'language, jamie.' what the hell? your son almost died and you're reminding him not to swear? that made absolutely no sense at all.
when he didn't feel the needle sticking into his arm anymore, he looked out of the corner of his eye and saw zoe. oh boy. even in this ... not fully conscious state, he could still tell that zoe was not impressed. well, hurr durr. seeing your boyfriend laying in a hospital bed, being completely delusional wasn't very impressive. but jamie didn't know any better. to him, he was laying in his kitchen with the doctor taking blood from him while drinking and the rabbits were jumping around everywhere. they wouldn't even stop to eat! these must be some crazy-ass rabbits. "just ... go eat something." it might've looked like jamie was talking to zoe when he said this, but he was actually saying it to the abundance of bunnies that were crowded around her. and why were the rabbits floating? oh god. this made no sense! then something in the back of his mind must've echoed about what zoe had said. what was he thinking? jamie raised his hand a bit so he could see it, occasionally turning it over to examine it. "i'm thinking ... that fingers are actually little legs for your hands." he then used two fingers to walk across his chest. that didn't work out so well, because there were those white things that monitored your heartbeat, and then there was a wire that just disappeared into nowhere, probably somewhere in his chest. what if it was touching his heart? oh no! jamie started to get a look of panic, and then he heard his mothers pager go off. she left, of course, and jamie growled.
"bitch." and right then, jamie thought that he was completely authorized to call her that name. her baby boy was laying there, and some kid with a snotty nose calls for her help and she's out the door. where was the rest of his family, anyway? what about torben? what about his dad? well, his dad was obvious. he was either in a bar somewhere getting plastered, or he was at work. the first option seemed most credible. that's what he spent most of his time doing. god damn rabbits! stop jumping on top of him. jamie made a motion to push the rabbits off of his stomach, which was starting to hurt with every hop they made. "fucking rabbits, piss off." but wait- there was a blue one now! and the brown ones were fading to white? whooaaa. this was some weird trip. he looked at zoe, and then back at his stomach. he quietly started to whisper and had a concentrating look on his face. "zoe ... shh. catch that one." he pointed at the blue one, which was sitting on his left leg, and tried to get eye contact with the stupid thing. that wasn't working out very well, but he really, really wanted that rabbit. and with his current conditions, he couldn't just reach out and grab it.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - STATUS: finished!
NOTES: blah blah blah, this is lalla
TAGGED: beth and zoe? <3
WORDS:
OUTFIT: here!
LYRICS: bring me the horizon - who wants flowers when they're dead? nobody.
CREDIT: RETRO GLAMOUR ! @ CAUTION 2.0
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Post by zoe carolyn van wright on Aug 20, 2009 22:17:24 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - DON'T PATRONIZE, I REALIZEi'm loosing and this is my real life* zoe really could not believe what was going on. her boyfriend had overdosed … on heroin. this sure as hell was not good. but on top of everything, now that zoe knew that he was going to be okay, even though he was in the intensive care unit, she just couldn’t believe he hadn’t confided in her. sure, they were both stubborn and — well, okay. zoe was the stubborn one, and the major part of her knew that. but it still irritated her to no boundaries that he hadn’t told her about this. zoe would have been mad, yeah, but mostly at not knowing about it than the fact that he was actually doing it. zoe wasn’t really into drugs herself, but she knew people who were, and to be honest, she didn’t particularly mind. yeah, that sounded really really bad, but it was the truth. she wouldn’t have broken up with jamie or anything, or even forced him to get help if he didn’t want it. she trusted him. well, she had after they started dating, but now … god, she just didn’t know anymore. this was crazy. would she even be able to trust him now? sure, it was only one time, but this was one majorly huge thing and zoe didn’t appreciate that she hadn’t been informed about it. thing was, it was zoe, and she probably would have freaked out even if it was something little. and this was big, really big, meaning it made it just that much more of a huge deal. man, if only he wasn’t out of it … she’d be able to cuss him out like she really wanted to now. she just didn’t know if she could do that right now. well, maybe as this interaction went on that would change. who knew.
looking at jamie in that bed really made zoe think. not about how pissed she was at him, though. no, that wasn’t the worry, momentarily, anyway. this was just making her think. look how easy it was to land yourself in a hospital bed. and in zoe’s mind, hospitals equaled death. or mortal injuries. obviously jamie hadn’t been planning on ending up here … right? ah hell, whatever. of course he didn’t. he wasn’t suicidal. but really, this was making zoe think. look how simple it was to end up here. and zoe knew that if she was ever in a hospital bed it would be because she was dying. there was no other reason she’d be here, after all. it almost made her reconsider how careful she was acting in her life … i mean really, maybe she shouldn’t be doing … some of the things she was. ah, screw that. what the hell was she thinking? she was zoe carolyn van wright, and life any other way would just be stupid and pointless and, well, boring. she was happy where she was and that wouldn’t change. well, mostly happy. there were always a few things and that wouldn’t change either. life just could not be perfect, it seemed, no matter how hard you tried. there was always something that would creep up on you or mess up the good things that you had. and where zoe was right now seemed like it was messing up something good. she didn’t know what she would do if jamie had … died. it was suc ha scary word. she didn’t think she would be able to handle that, especially so soon after finally starting to date him. her feelings for him … were unexplainable. she was already really starting to think that she loved him. and she couldn’t exactly tell him that in this state …
zoe stared at jamie with a hurt look on her face as he started screaming. “d-don’t hurt him!” she yelled at the doctor, who promptly ignored her. well, not like she really expected any real response. if it was going to help … blah. zoe was just so confused right now. she was a jumble of emotions again, just like she’d been at the mall and at the ball. it was so confusing to be zoe, that was for sure. then it seemed like jamie finally noticed her, and she felt a feeling in her stomach that was … well, she didn’t know. it wasn’t so much butterflies as frantic moths worrying. hey, it could happen. “just … go eat something.” wait, what? “what the fuck are you talking about jamie? i’m not hungry! you’re — you’re delusional right now. you don’t know what the fuck you’re saying.” she was already starting to get angry and she didn’t even care that she was swearing with the doctors in the room. hell, they probably didn’t even want her in here right now, but that didn’t matter because she was going nowhere. they would have to drag her out by her hair. jamie continued to talk, and her eyebrows narrowed. yeah, he didn’t know what he was talking about, but that just made it worse and all the more irritating for her. “that’s great. now would you freaking explain yourself? about why i wasn’t informed about this … habit?” she would save the journal for later, though. that was priceless, and, well, she wanted to maybe speak to him with him having a straight face at the time. if that would happen an time soon, that was. who knew. zoe didn’t really have too much experience with drugs or how they affected people. rabbits? yeah, so the kid was definitely delusional. god was this bothering her. normally you’d think now that she saw he was at least alive and breathing on his own and everything, she wouldn’t be freaking out on him, that she’d play the part of concerned girlfriend and all that. but she was zoe, and that sure as hell wasn’t going to happen. “jamie, seriously. there are no fucking rabbits in here, okay? i can’t catch shit because there’s nothing there!” yeah, she was definitely surprised the doctor hadn’t kicked her out yet. but he was probably too scared that she’d punch him or something if he tried. |
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Post by jameson robert bolton on Aug 20, 2009 23:20:50 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -A CHERRY SUNSET BLOSSOMS, BUT WE'RE NOT THERE TO WATCH IT FALLON THE VACANT CANVAS WE SHOULD BE WAITING WITH OUR FACE DOWN IN THE GRASS [/FONT] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -[/center]
by now, the rabbits were starting to become fuzzy, along with everything else. jamie wondered when he was going to be able to see again, or if he ever was going to be able to. ever. a life without sight? that would shitty. how would he watch tv? he wouldn't watch them with that annoying lady telling you everything that was happening. jamie couldn't think of what that was called ... assistant programming? meh. whatever. that, along with many other thoughts, were just swimming around his mind, not having a place but not really needing one either. just thinking about thinking made jamie have a horrible headache, and he closed his eyes. these lights were so bright. why were all these people in his house? and why did they make the lights so bright? wait a minute - what if he was dead? what if this was heaven and he got hurt on the way up? no, that didn't make sense. first off, if he was in heaven, he wouldn't be feeling pain and he wouldn't be getting blood taken from him. second, he highly doubted that if he died he would go to heaven. much the opposite, actually, seeing as though jamie didn't have any religious beliefs whatsoever and didn't care to have any. so that brought him back to thinking about why people were at his house. and why was everything white? his kitchen wasn't white. it was a pale blue. oh god, this was confusing.
jamie could hear zoe telling - or rather, ordering - the doctor to stop hurting him. a little bit of a smile came across jamie's lips, and then he heard the doctor talking. "i'm not hurting him, i can assure you, miss. i'm taking another blood sample to test for diseases or infections he could've gotten from the needles, like HepC and other common viruses often found on needles that are used for contaminated injections. you know, that sort of "stuff"." he made quotation signs with his hands, and still had the little vial of blood in one of them. jamie saw the blood swish around in the tube, and the sight made him sick. blood was supposed to stay inside. blood was not supposed to be swooshing around inside a little glass vial. ugh. he should just stop thinking about blood, or he was going to puke everywhere. he could already feel himself almost gagging, and he had to inhale deeply to make the feeling sink. inhaling hurt more, but he'd rather hurt than hurl all over his girlfriend. that would not land him in her good books. he was pretty sure that he was already not in them for this little incident.
oh look, the rabbits came back. he could feel one of them brush up against his arm, something he hadn't felt before. he opened his eyes once more, only to see that it wasn't a rabbit. it was a nurse. wait - no, that wasn't a nurse! "what the shit? johnny napalm? why the fuck are you here? like, from guitar hero? fuuucckk!" for the first time, jamie was wide-eyed. hell yes! this was his favorite character to be if he ever played guitar hero, which was not very often. suddenly, his dreams were shattered. "no, not johnny napalm. i'm a nurse, and i'm re-filling your IV." jamie got a disappointed look on his face, and looked around with just his eyes. man, this was really going to suck. his eyes were starting to hurt, and now he could feel a sort of empty feeling in his hand. oh, nevermind. it came back. the nurse must've put a different thing of iv in. it was sort of cold. jamie didn't like it. when zoe spoke again, he shook his head. "what the hell are you talking about? i wasn't even talking to you. i can't tell you when to eat. but these rabbits can't feed themselves." his words were slurred, like he completely hammered, but still a bit audible. what had this nurse just given him? maybe it was vodka. oh! or pure alcohol. yeeaahhhh.
jamie glared back up at his girlfriend. "and i didn't say you were hungry." his eyes shifted the other way now. with the way they were talking to each other, if you didn't know that jamie was an only child you'd probably think that zoe and jamie were brother and sister. they sure fought like it. but brothers and sisters didn't date each other. or at least, jamie didn't date his sisters. but he doesn't have sisters! blaahhh. cousins, then. jamie doesn't date his cousins. what the hell was he thinking about? whatever it was, it wasn't very normal. but like i said before, jamie wasn't normal. well, he was normal in the way that he didn't date relatives. ugh. so anyway, jamie pushed those thoughts out of his head, and turned his attention to the rabbit sitting on his leg. it started to move up his leg, and he didn't want that. he tried to lift up his leg to get it to stop moving, and he could only move it a little bit. but it worked. the rabbit moved back to sitting on his knee and he felt relaxed again.
"explain myself? what the hell is there to explain? i don't even know what the fuck is going on right now. and i don't know how you can fit all these people in my kitchen because it's not that big. can you tell everyone to just go? but jamie, there was nobody left in the room but you and zoe. the doctor had washed his hands and left, and nurse napalm was long gone. so now it was just boyfriend and girlfriend, alone in a room ... wow. that would've been much more romantic if jamie wasn't connected to a shitload of wires and machines and they weren't in a hospital room and they weren't angry at each other. jamie started to stare at the ceiling. he didn't want to explain all of this to zoe. it wasn't that hard to figure out. obviously, he had had some problems in his past that drove him to this shit, and he just couldn't get rid of it. it was like an extra arm. you couldn't just cut it off, you had to slowly rid yourself of it. a process that took a long time. but at the moment, jamie wasn't interested in getting off of drugs. not just yet. people always said that landing up in a hospital was life-changing, but to jamie, it was just another night spent over in the hospital, even though he knew he wasn't going to be here for just one night. not with a skull fracture and internal bleeding. is that what they said? hmm. anyway, jamie had spent many-a-night in this hospital, waiting for his mom to drive him home. this wasn't much different. well, except for the fact that he could've died.
what did zoe just say, that there were no rabbits? bullshit. bull-fucking-shit. "ZOE." jamie used his grown-up voice. the kind of tone that could be mistaken for a yell. and yes, it was a yell. "you can't fucking tell me what i can and cannot see. maybe you can't see them, but i sure as hell can." he took a deep breath in, and looked towards the little window that was on the side of the room. "there's not even shit on my leg. it's a fucking rabbit. no resembelance, whatsoever." oh, he wanted to cross his arms so badly right now. it was his defensive stance, as if when he crossed his arms, nothing could hurt him or make him feel bad. but now, with both of his arms not feeling up to the task of moving, he felt strangely vulnerable. he took a quick glance at his girlfriend, and then looked back to the window with a pouty look on his face. you know, the kind of look he always has.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - STATUS: finito!
NOTES: haha hand legs!
TAGGED: beth and zoe? <3
WORDS: 1337 (don't kill me.)
OUTFIT: here!
LYRICS: bring me the horizon - who wants flowers when they're dead? nobody.
CREDIT: RETRO GLAMOUR ! @ CAUTION 2.0
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Post by zoe carolyn van wright on Aug 21, 2009 10:27:13 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - DON'T PATRONIZE, I REALIZEi'm loosing and this is my real life * zoe just stood there and watched the doctors and nurses as they sort of swarmed around jamie’s bed. she wanted to scream and tell them to fuck off so she could talk to him but that probably wouldn’t be the smartest thing for two reasons. first off, they would probably kick her out of the room and even the hospital. and second, if they actually stopped or whatever, that might not be the best thing for jamie. she wanted him to get better, obviously. it seemed clear that he would be alright by the fact that he was breathing on his own and talking and yelling as much as normal. but the whole delusional thing … yeah, confusing. he seemed so out of it, and yet zoe wanted to yell and scream at him and find out what the hell was really going on. zoe and jamie hadn’t been dating for very long, so there wasn’t too much they’d done in the way of conversation about their pasts and stuff. sure, they’d known each other long enough, but they hadn’t exactly been the kind to sit down and discuss their feelings and the horrible things that had happened in their past. no, definitely not these two. those things never came into question while they were yelling their heads off at each other. so maybe if zoe knew more of the story, like why jamie had started this, she would be a little more sympathetic. but she didn’t, and that only made it worse for her. she felt so confused and totally out of the loop. zoe never did well with not knowing what was going on. it irritated her almost as much as being wrong did, and that was pretty much a lot. so between that and knowing that jamie hadn’t confided in her and told her about this … yeah, she was pretty damn pissed. maybe she really didn’t, but zoe thought that she had good reason to. but really, she’d just said to herself that they hadn’t talked about their pasts or anything the whole while they’d been dating or before that. so some small part of her was regretting not doing that. because maybe, just maybe this wouldn’t have happened.
okay, so that was a stretch. zoe didn’t know how the hell she would have been able to prevent this. like she’d said earlier, if she knew, she probably wouldn’t have really tried too much to make him stop. so how would this have been preventable? yeah, so zoe wasn’t exactly making too much sense right now. but she felt out of it, even if she wasn’t as out of it as jamie was right now. no, that kid was lost. he didn’t have a single clue what he was talking about or what was going on. because seriously, rabbits? in a hospital room?! and he didn’t even think he was in a hospital room. well who knew how much good it would do to even attempt to explain that to him. clearly what zoe had tried to get across to him didn’t do any good. god, this would all be so much easier if he wasn’t delusional. but zoe could only hope. again, she didn’t know much about drugs so she had no clue how long this would all last. for a while, though, that much was clear. if this all went away in, say, ten minutes, that would just be too good to be true and zoe wouldn’t believe it. god, she needed to sit down again. another nap sounded exquisite right now. no, better than that. it sounded orgasmic. maybe, if she just went back to sleep, when she woke up this would all be over. or better, maybe it would be a dream! naw. that never happened. that was only in movies. no, this would be a horrible dream, and zoe never really had bad dreams. she didn’t know if she’d ever had a real nightmare in her entire lifetime. so it was almost impossible that this could be a dream. not to mention it just seemed … well, too real for that. in zoe’s dreams she always felt like they were superficial or something, not quite on the verge of reality at all.
so zoe was left with her last option: she had to accept this or she was going to get nowhere. zoe just narrowed her eyes at the doctor as he explained. sure, there was a reason behind what he was doing, but that didn’t hide the fact that it still hurt him. but whatever. she hadn’t expected much more than that anyway. then her attention quickly went back to jamie. “yeah, because there’s fucking rabbits hopping around the room … yep, right. how could i be so stupid as to not notice them?” she sighed and shook her head a bit, rubbing her eyes. god, this was irritating. sure, he couldn’t really help it, but … still. fucking hell! ugh. suddenly fuming, she took off her bag from her shoulder and threw it on the ground, just trying futilely to relieve some of her stress. throwing or punching things usually helped, and as she couldn’t exactly punch anything here, that was her only option. “oh, right, excuse me. because you were talking to the rabbits. and even if they were real they couldn’t fucking understand you! think about it. rabbits don’t SIT ON PEOPLE’S LEGS. BECAUSE THEY’RE FUCKING AFRAID OF US, OKAY?!” yep, she was definitely angry now. amazing, how easily she could be frustrated, but that was zoe for you. gritting her teeth, she continued. “jameson,” she started, something she never did. even when she’d been uber angry at him before they were dating, she never called him jameson. wow, was she seething with anger. “we aren’t in your fucking kitchen. we are in the hospital you retard! you od’d and now we’re here. and i showed up because — because i care. and i wanted to make sure you were okay. but you clearly don’t seem to care about that do you? because you’re so freaking out of it. and this is so fricking frustrating right now, trying to explain this shit to you. but you know what? i quit. i’ll just leave.” psh, what a liar, zoe. she knew she wouldn’t leave. she just didn’t know what to do now. |
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Post by jameson robert bolton on Aug 21, 2009 13:09:42 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -A CHERRY SUNSET BLOSSOMS, BUT WE'RE NOT THERE TO WATCH IT FALLON THE VACANT CANVAS WE SHOULD BE WAITING WITH OUR FACE DOWN IN THE GRASS [/FONT] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -[/center]
the rabbits were starting to disappear, one by one. some went through the window (it wasn't even open) and some just ... disappeared. poofed. like a magician. maybe they were rabbits that belonged to magicians ... that would make sense. how else would they be able to change colors? maybe there was a magician in here. jamie moved his eyes around, trying to see if there was anyone else left in the room. nope, no luck with that. just him and zoe. a very angry zoe, at that. jamie didn't know why she was being so bitchy. all jamie had asked was for her to catch a fucking rabbit. was it really that difficult? no. you reach out and grab that damned thing. hell, if jamie wasn't invisibly restrained, he'd sit up and grab it himself. maybe even name it. what would he name it? maybe papa smurf, because it was blue. and it was small. quite like a smurf. jamie had never watched the smurfs when he was little; his mother thought television was bad for you and you'd turn out like a bad person. well, maybe if she let him watch a few episodes of fraggle rock and the flintstones he wouldn't be overdosing on heroin! jamie made a vow that if he ever had kids (which was never going to happen anyway, but just in case) he'd let them do whatever the hell they wanted. and he would not become a nurse, because then he'd never get to see them. the fucking pager went off constantly, and he never got to spend with his mom. also, he wasn't going to be going 'out of town' on business trips, either. jamie's dad worked in an office, and he didn't see how he could be able to go on three or four of these trips a month. jamie highly doubted that he was even leaving the city, or even the neighborhood. he was probably at a strip club or something, doing anything to get away from the family he never wanted.
ah, but jamie, if you don't want kids and you end up having one, wouldn't that put you in the same position? of course. it would be like another generation of a mistake. hell, he was pretty sure that there were a lot of these little 'mistakes' on his dads side. his grandparents didn't see each other ever, and from what he had heard, his great-grandparents weren't too fond of the other either. this whole thinking-about-family moment seemed to put him in a kind of trance, and he stared up at the ceiling for what seemed like hours, just thinking about his parents. if they seperated and went off dating and eventually marrying other people, wouldn't they be happier instead of fighting the second one walks in the door until one of them leaves, slamming the door so hard things fall off of the walls? jamie had become so used to it that he didn't even flinch when the door slammed or when things got thrown or punched or kicked anymore. he just went on, doing things on his laptop or watching tv, even if his parents were in the same room. the whole thing had really only affected him when he was like, nine, because he didn't know that there was really no connection between those two at all except for himself. and it was ironic, really, how they stayed together because of their teenage son, when their son just wanted them to split up and act normal for once.
jamie's thoughts were soon inturrupted by zoe's squeaky voice again. he was shaken back into reality, and he moved his eyes to look over at her. and she was being sarcastic. jamie rolled her eyes and pursed his lips. now he was looking over at the window. if she was going to be sarcastic, he'd let her be. just give her time to cool down. afterall, he wasn't going anywhere too soon, was he? no. and he couldn't tell her to shut the hell up because she wouldn't listen to him. she had listened to him what, once? that wasn't going to work again. not for a long, long time. for a few moments, there was a silence in the room. all you could hear was the beep ... beep ... beep of his heart monitor and an occasional buzz from the iv. he looked up at the neon green line. up, down, squiggly, down, up, straight, up, down, up a bit, down some more, then right back up, straight, down. what an interesting pattern. well, it wasn't. but it was one of the most interesting things in this room. why was it all white? that was retarded. it reminded him of an asylum. oh god - he wasn't in an asylum, was he? oh shit. a look of panic covered his face, and he tried to raise his head to look around. it was painful, but he just need to find out. and then he saw a light brown wooden door behind zoe. he let out a breath of relief and let his hand back down on the pillow, which wasn't comfortable. at all.
suddenly, he heard a loud thud. and that rang around in his head for a while and gave him another sharp pain in his left temple. fuck! he shouted again, and that didn't help his head at all. but he didn't care. she should stop making noises. what the hell did she throw down anyway? he couldn't see. did he want to see? not really. if it was something important that was hooked up to him, she'd get in trouble from the doctors. he wouldn't yell at her about that. hell, if she really wanted, she could unhook everything from him right now and he'd be fine with that. but then she'd be charged with murder, wouldn't she? maybe. jamie didn't know the technical things for that, but that didn't really matter right at the now. because zoe started yelling again. jamie bit the inside of his lip and glared up at his girlfriend. this was probably one of those few times in which he'd actually have to look up at her. he was pretty sure that if he sat up, he'd be taller than her when she stood. haha. jamie rolled his eyes again. "HAVE YOU EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT PET RABBITS?! NO. YOU HAVEN'T. THOSE ARE NOT SCARED OF PEOPLE." and he knew that for a fact. because torben used to have a rabbit. his name was mousey. and mousey was friends with spencer. but then one day, spencer decided that she didn't appreciate another little ball of fuzz taking over jamie and torben's attention. so, there were a few claws, and jamie got scratched majorly. let's just say that after that, there was no longer any mousey. and mousey wasn't afraid of people. so there, zoe.
jameson? JAMESON? who the fuck called people by their real names nowadays? the only person who was actually allowed to call him jameson was his mom, and that's because she refused to call him jamie or anything else except 'my widdle baby boy' or 'peanut' BUT THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO. the only time his mom called him the first one was when she was trying to annoy him to get out of the apartment, or to get him to do what she wanted. he hated that. it was pretty much the worst thing he could get called. the whole 'peanut' thing stopped when he was five, because after she called him peanut the last time, he told her to fuck off and die. yeah. that wasn't a good situation that came after that, but it got her to stop. "don't call me that, zoe carolyn." jamie didn't know if that bothered her, but whatever. it wasn't like she had a longer name. zoeisha? no. that was too ghetto. his name meant 'son of james', so maybe ... her name was zoedaughter? no. that sounded incredibly gay and unrealistic. when she told him - or yelled at him - that he wasn't in his kitchen, that he was in a hospital, he had to believe her. now that he could see everything, it made sense. plus, if this was a kitchen, where was the stove? there wasn't one. so ha. when she told him that she cared, he sort of felt ... well, bad. a little bit of guilt sunk into him, and it felt like someone dropped a huge rock on his chest. he looked down at his feet, which was currently not feeling like they were attached, and put his pouty face back on. he tapped one of his fingers, or rather, his hand legs, against the railing on the side of his bed. it made a small 'click' noise as his fingernail hit against it. zoe had just said that she would leave. and jamie believed her about that, too. "zoe, don't leave. please. i want you here." he couldn't bring himself to look up at her. obviously, that napalm nurse had taken away the painkillers because his stomach was starting to act up again. but no painkillers = not delusional. so there's a plus. and now jamie had complete (or almost complete, zoe had a lot of control, too) of his brain, which meant he registered everything zoe had said. "please." manners first, young man.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - STATUS: finito!
NOTES: haha hand legs!
TAGGED: beth and zoe! <3
WORDS: 1574 DANG IT.
OUTFIT: here!
LYRICS: bring me the horizon - who wants flowers when they're dead? nobody.
CREDIT: RETRO GLAMOUR ! @ CAUTION 2.0
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Post by zoe carolyn van wright on Aug 21, 2009 15:00:53 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - DON'T PATRONIZE, I REALIZEi'm loosing and this is my real life * things were just so much simpler back when jamie and zoe weren’t dating. she didn’t have to worry about him, because he wasn’t really in her life. well, okay, he was in her life, but not in exactly an important position. nope, he was just the kid that she constantly argued with or sought out when she needed a good fight, because she always knew that she could depend on him for that. it never had taken much for her to piss him off and then the fighting would commence. okay, so maybe he really was in her life that way. just not in a way that people would find too important. not important at all, actually. most people would probably find it pathetic. okay, so everyone might seem a more appropriate word to use on this subject. well, there could be maybe one person or two that was like zoe who didn’t find it pathetic. possibly. ah, hell. she was definitely rambling again. about extremely unimportant things this time, too. she needed to bring herself back to the present and the current matter at hand. which was definitely a very big matter. one big one, indeed. meaning her boyfriend was in the hospital. and seeing him in this delusional state was something that she never wanted to have to do again. it wasn’t really embarrassing, because right now zoe could actually care less about that for once. she was just worried out of her mind. even if she wouldn’t completely admit that, it was true. but haven’t we learned enough out zoe already to see that she couldn’t admit when she was wrong? well, she could, but that it took so insanely much out of her? exactly. somehow, now when she was dating jamie, that got just the slightest bit easier for her to do. just not that easy, of course. that would be too good to be true, and things that seem that way are often really too good to be true. well, almost everything that seems that. okay, she was definitely rambling again.
who knew it was possible for one girl to just go on and on like this? zoe sure didn’t. but like she’d already said (there she went rambling and repeating herself again), she was so confused right now. things seemed unreal, even if she’d already decided that it most definitely wasn’t a dream. man, would it be easier if this was a dream. gosh, zoe! can’t you just focus on one thing for half a minute? she’d get a train of thought and could hardly hold on to it for she would just start rambling and the topic would change to something totally different. just like it was now, even if that topic was the fact that she was changing topics so quickly. wow, this girl needed to focus. good thing nobody could like, say, read her thoughts, or that she was writing any of this down, because whoever would be reading it would be mightily confused. well, as long as whoever was reading it was a normal person. if anyone could actually understand what zoe was going on and on about … well, she would probably employ that person to explain herself to her. that would have to be one damn smart person. whoa, was she getting off topic. again. she wrenched herself out of her thoughts and stared at jamie. it was amazing, how he could get on her nerves just by laying in a hospital bed rambling. yes, a major part of that was still because of how not-well-informed she was about the whole thing. yeah, when someone is on drugs he or she generally keeps it all a secret, but isn’t there normally like one or two people, at least, who know about it? hmm. maybe torben knew. but zoe just could not believe that she hadn’t. and even if jamie hadn’t told her, shouldn’t she have been able to pick up on the clues? you’d think so, especially seeing how much she was seeing him now. more than her friends, that was for sure. and definitely more than her family. but yet she hadn’t realized what he was really up to. stupid, stupid zoe. yeah, so she was mad at herself too, that much was for sure. zoe just stared at jamie and shook her head to herself. “well for your information mr. smart boy, no, i wouldn’t know that or have thought of that. because i don’t like rabbits.” at all. she hated the little furballs. good question why, though.
zoe took a deep, calming breath, just trying futilely to calm herself down. she must have been crazy, because she knew it wouldn’t work. hell, doing that never helped or did anything at all. the only way she’d be able to calm down would be if she left the room and jamie. well, or if she got to kiss him … but there was no way that was going to happen in his current state. well, not to mention hers, either. both of them were pretty fucked up right now, just in totally different senses, though with one somewhat related reason. narrowing her eyes, she stared back at him again. “well sorry to hurt your feelings there, but you need to fucking be brought back to reality. i have no patience with this at all. that would’ve been different if you’d fucking TOLD me about this. but you didn’t. so thus you get bitchy pissed off zoe carolyn.” really, being called by her middle name, or having it included in her name when she was being addressed, didn’t bother, which was really sort of lucky. she didn’t mind her middle name, after all. if she did, there would be a problem by how much she got yelled at. because really, jamie wouldn’t be the first one to call her that. she got called it quite a bit actually. sometimes by other people who were mad at her, even her friends at times. yeah, weird. but it was true. she was just about to start yelling again when he started to talk. “well — oh. i …” she sighed, taking a deep breath again, and was surprised to find that it helped just the teensiest bit with this situation. “you just really bothered me jamie. a lot. and — i’m sorry i called you jameson. really.” [/b]wow, way for her to calm down all of a sudden. that never happened. again, she was messed up by jamie’s presence.[/size][/COLOR][/BLOCKQUOTE] |
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Post by jameson robert bolton on Aug 21, 2009 19:23:36 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -A CHERRY SUNSET BLOSSOMS, BUT WE'RE NOT THERE TO WATCH IT FALLON THE VACANT CANVAS WE SHOULD BE WAITING WITH OUR FACE DOWN IN THE GRASS [/FONT] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -[/center]
jamie was just ... confused. he knew why he was here, and he knew where he was ... but that didn't help the fact that he didn't want people to know about his little ... um ... habit. oh, no! what if hid mom had seen the test results? jamie knew for a fact that his mom wasn't allowed to be one of his supervising nurses, thank god for that. but would apperley tell her about the results? and what the hell was he talking about? HepC? jamie highly doubted that he had that, or anything else. because he was smart. he never shared a needle. ever. he took them from this hospital, right here. he might've even taken one from this very room. but since he was here constantly with his mother, and often wandered the halls and randomly peeked into different rooms, it was easy to steal from this place. if he was younger and had the need to steal those popsicle stick things, he'd have an entire castle built in two days flat. if he needed cottonballs for some strange, weird reason, he'd have them. it's not like the doctors would tell him to leave. he was friends with them because he had spent countless hours with them every week, waiting for his mother. sometimes he was even allowed into the doctors lounge, where he would sit on a couch and eat constantly for two hours, and then go home. it's not like there was a food shortage in the lounge. people brought food everyday. and it wasn't healthy food at all. donuts, chocolate bars, cookies, brownies, cakes and once, someone brought in cotton candy. not really something you'd expect in a hospital. once or twice, he'd flirt with a nurse so she'd give him the rest of her cookie if it was a kind that he really liked. and most of the time, he got it. sometimes his mom would walk into the lounge in the middle of a flirting session, and tell him to get out or that they were leaving, and jamie would go home without that cookie. and that was not preferred, because then he was a grump the whole way home.
kind of like how he was being a grump right now. he loved being sarcastic, but didn't like being a victim of a sarcastic remark. when zoe called him mr smart boy, the corners of his mouth twitched up a bit. what she had said was definately sarcastic, but jamie found it amusing. he looked over at her and mentally shook his head, trying to keep the corners of his mouth down. but this small grin was the little grin that could, apparently. because it thought it could, it thought it could, it thought it could ... and there. a little bit of a smile. "zoe, they're just rabbits. nothing harmful about them. mind you, they might eat your salads ... and paper. but other than that, you're good." wait - were they really fighting about rabbits? is this how low they had sunk? well, i suppose that he had brought it up ... had he? he couldn't remember. actually, he couldn't remember a lot of things, come to think of it. all he could remember was falling, and then everything was blank after that. there was a the foggy memory of the conversation, or arguement, that he had had with zoe a few minutes ago, but that was about it. of course, he could remember things from past. hell, almost everything. he wondered if he could ever have select amnesia. do you know how awesome that would be? he could forget about his parents fighting, some childhood memories that he'd rather not carry around forever, and other things. but hopefully he wouldn't have to land up like this. maybe one day he'd wake up, look around and be all 'hah. my family is perfection.' and then it would turn out that it really was! no, no, no. jamie, that's a dream. not amnesia. just because you have mental problems doesn't mean your dad will read the newspaper and drink coffee (black, please) while your mother makes pancakes with chocolate chips and strawberries. that would be nice, though. keep dreaming, bud. the way you want things to turn out always somehow turn out to be the complete opposite of your wishes.
the boy could see that zoe was trying to calm herself down. thank god. honestly, jamie wasn't in the mood or state of mind to argue. the painkillers were wearing off quickly, though, so he was almost back to normal. well, his level of normal, anyway. and right now, he didn't know if he wanted to be this way. this pain was just ... unbearable. what had he done to himself? something he enjoyed. but did he enjoy this? no. usually, when he woke up from passing out, he woke up in either his living room, sprawled out over the couch and floor, or on his bed, sprawled out over all his pillows. that was much more comfortable than this. but he didn't exactly pass out this time. he more or less was knocked unconcsious. jamie looked up at zoe and shook his head. "reality hurts. and that's why i didn't tell anyone. like, seriously. nobody knows about this. or nobody did know about this. now it's going to be everywhere." he brought up his right hand and rubbed his eye. wait - did he just move his arm? yes! it was working now. he smiled, and looked at his hand. it was the only one that didn't have anything stuck into it. he looked to his left hand and saw three iv tubes stuck in somewhere on the top of his hand and one going under some skin in the crease of his elbow. that one hurt, and he guessed that that was why he couldn't move his arm. he had had ivs before, but not that. he didn't even know what that was. maybe it was methadone. hopefully not. those bitches. when zoe said that jamie had bothered him, he sighed. that wasn't good, especially coming out of his girlfriends mouth. when she apologised for calling him by his real name, he shrugged. "that's okay. i shouldn't have freaked out about that. not a big deal." maybe he could have another exception with who called him what. afterall, she was his girlfriend. and this would like, reverse the whole nickname thing, seeing as though jamie was a nickname. then, a small, sly idea popped into jamie's mind. "zoe! come here. i have a secret for you." yeah, they were alone in a room together, so it would've made sense for him to just say whatever he was going to say out loud. but he had a surprise.
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NOTES: we move towards the stars, and all that we touch becomes ours. <3
TAGGED: beth and zoe? <3
WORDS:
OUTFIT: here!
LYRICS: bring me the horizon - who wants flowers when they're dead? nobody.
CREDIT: RETRO GLAMOUR ! @ CAUTION 2.0
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Post by zoe carolyn van wright on Aug 22, 2009 19:48:39 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - DON'T PATRONIZE, I REALIZEi'm losing and this is my real life * hospitals always had the insane power to scare the shit out of zoe. just walking through the doors gave her the creeps and made her shiver. it took a lot to get her into a building like this, that much was for sure. and clearly that went to show how much she cared about jamie, because why else would she have come in here and actually fallen asleep waiting? for anyone else, probably, she would have just left and came back later, hoping that he or she was awake. but no, she’d sat down to wait for him to wake up, and had fallen asleep comfortably. zoe was never comfortable in a hospital. it was just a rule of thumb, something that didn’t happen. ever. ever. so really, she was amazed. and especially by the fact that she had hardly realized this whole time where she really was. yep, jamie really affected her that much. but he was her boyfriend; why wouldn’t he? it was some pretty intense feelings she was having, then, that much was for sure. for all she knew she could already be at the stage of loving the kid, even though she hadn’t been dating him for long. it seemed like the feelings had been developing over all the time she’d known him and just hidden, maybe, and showed up again when she realized a few weeks before the ball that she liked him. it was possible. hell, after everything that had happened lately, zoe was starting to believe that anything was possible. she hadn’t thought it was possible that she’d date jamie. she hadn’t thought it was possible that she would be able to not fight with him for more than five minutes in his company. she hadn’t thought it was possible that he would end up in the hospital, either. the first two were good things but the third was definitely the opposite of that. zoe was probably the most freaked out person in the world for at least a few minutes when she heard the news. she hadn’t even given it a second thought as she rushed to his apartment and then into the hospital.
the hospital. god, did this place give her the creeps. now that she’d really realized where she was, it was totally scaring her again. if only she could just get out of here, but she knew she wouldn’t leave now because of who was the occupant in that bed. she couldn’t leave jamie now, even if he was still delusional. once he came around he would be, hopefully, happy to see her. maybe. ah who knew. maybe he would be pissed because she now knew what was going on with him. she sure wasn’t happy about that, either. she was still mad he hadn’t told her, no matter what he would have to defend himself. it wasn’t like zoe had any secrets about her habits, after all. yeah, she drank. yeah, it was a lot. but no, she didn’t try to hide that, either. well, that one was probably harder to hide than drugs, because she did it in public all the times, including in nightclubs and whatnot. but drugs, especially ones like heroin that jamie was involved in, weren’t something you normally did in public. well, unless you were really stupid, and zoe knew that her boyfriend wasn’t stupid. he’d kept this secret for so long, after all. that showed he wasn’t stupid. but zoe knew he wasn’t stupid the whole time, meaning the entire time she’d known him. he’d been smart enough to like her, she thought with the slightest of smirks. yeah, she was just a tad conceited. she wouldn’t deny that. that was the thing about zoe. she didn’t deny things. well, when it was out in the open, anyway. and especially for things like her habits, like she had said. but really, zoe didn’t have many habits, other than drinking. oh, and fighting. but she hardly considered that a habit anymore. no, it was more like it was just a part of her. she always did it. it was impossible to have a zoe van wright who didn’t fight. see, it even rhymed! that isn’t something you could break up or stop. definitely not. she narrowed her eyes as she looked at her boyfriends. “i never said they were harmful. you — wait. why the hell are we arguing about something that isn’t there?! god this is so pointless …” her voice trailed off after that, irritated with both herself and jamie.
wow, did this girl have a temper. but, she knew that. she’d always known that. it was another thing that was just part of her, just like the fighting was. well okay, those two were definitely related, the temper and fighting. you couldn’t fight like zoe did without having a temper, and it was hard to fight like her without having a temper. yep, they definitely fit together easily. didn’t it just seem like fate that would bring together two such individuals? the feisty girl with the guy who would easily fight back without any remorse. definitely fate, because something like this couldn’t just happen on its own. or it was just somewhere between highly and extremely unlikely. stories like that didn’t seem to crop up too often. well, except on movies a few times, but movies were fake. things never turned out the way they did in movies. those were meant for others’ enjoyment, and to make people hope and give them the feeling that they had a chance just like margaret and abby had. yeah, zoe was pretty much an avid moviegoer. she enjoys her movie time, what can i say? it’s not really a hobby, just something she did quite often. as long as the movie was funny. or actiony. or even better, a mixture of both. but a good action comedy didn’t crop up too often. or if they did, zoe must’ve been out of it because she’d definitely missed them. taking a big sigh, zoe began to talk again. “but … jamie. things would have been so much easier if you’d just told me anyway. after everything you’ve admitted to me, you still couldn’t talk about this? i don’t like secrets, jamie. you know that.” she took another big sigh before continuing. “i mean, okay. maybe i see your point. i just — don’t want to have to accept it. you know how i am.” she let out the slightest of chuckles, the first time she’d laughed pretty much since school ended. after that bell rang things just seemed to have gone downhill. and now here she was, standing in a hospital, at who knew what time of night. it had to be late by now, but the time didn’t really matter in this situation. she smiled at his apology. it wasn’t often she apologized to the kid, so it wasn’t often that she heard that. a secret? erm, interesting. what could be be talking about. “jamie, you know secrets don’t …” but maybe this was something different. there was no one in the room, so he could have just told her whatever, which meant that this was something weird. ah, who cared. her eyebrows furrowed, she walked toward him, stopping right next to his bed. she even leaned down a bit in expectation of this … secret. whatever it was. |
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Post by jameson robert bolton on Aug 23, 2009 1:04:32 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -A CHERRY SUNSET BLOSSOMS, BUT WE'RE NOT THERE TO WATCH IT FALLON THE VACANT CANVAS WE SHOULD BE WAITING WITH OUR FACE DOWN IN THE GRASS [/FONT] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -[/center]
there were a lot of things that jamie had to be angry about. or if not angry, just pissed off. one of the things that made him more irate than anything was the fact that he was supposed to be in his senior year right now. he was supposed to be worrying about getting enough credits to graduate or who he was going to get as an escort, not spending time in junior year all over again and considering just dropping out all together. yeah, not a good decision, but that was what he was about to do. thinking back about that, it was probably all jamie's fault that he didn't pass. he had started the bad habit of sleeping in or just skipping the entire day all together. being the teenager he was, though, he blamed everyone else. he blamed his mother for not waking him up in time for school, he blamed his teachers for hating him with no good reasons behind it, and he blamed pretty much the entire world for everything that was happening in his life. the entire life minus himself. but for some reason unknown to him, he was starting to realise that he had to take a little blame for everything that he did. it was his choice not to wake up in the morning, it was his decision to piss off the teachers to no end, and it was ultimately his decision to start drugs. he didn't know why he had started to think this way. maybe he was starting to mature. well, i'd hope so. at almost eighteen years of age, he was bound to come to realise that he was in control of his life and what happened to it.
maybe it was the fact that for the past few weeks, he had been in a generally positive relationship. and during those past few weeks, he had began to realise those things i said before. something about zoe made him want to ... grow up. before, she had been a negative influence in his life. before, jamie had wanted to punch her face in, but now if he even suspected someone of wanting to do that, he'd feel the sudden urge to strangle the person. if you really thought about it, zoe was his first actually stable relationship. yeah, they fought, but that was only a small percentage of the time when they were together. when he had been with other people, they either constantly fought or never saw each other. and when i say constantly, i mean constantly. if he had thought of not fighting with zoe before he had even known that there was a small - okay, big - part inside of him that liked her, he'd probably either laugh it off or look at himself strangely. maybe even cuss himself off. thinking of a world without fighting with zoe seemed so impossible, but now it was a reality. reality. that was one part of reality that jamie didn't mind. hell, he loved it. he was pretty sure that he loved her. whenever he saw her, even though he had seen her a thousand times before, his stomach still did flips. however, before it may have been from his stomach preparing to get punched. now whenever they greeted each other it was with a hug or kiss. that was totally unthinkable before. before this whole relationship started.
he was glad that zoe had finally started to let the arguement drop. he wasn't in the best of moods right now, he didn't want to fight, and he sure as hell didn't have the willpower or mental stamina right now to pull off a huge fight. hell, the only part of his body he could move without causing himself huge amounts of pain was his right arm. jamie was still subconsciously tapping his fingernails against the plastic railing, just to make sure that he wouldn't lose feeling again. he definately didn't want that to happen, at all. he felt so useless right now. hell, he was. all he was doing right now was putting everyone through stress. zoe, his mom, and even himself. fuck his dad, he doubted that he even knew. hell, he probably wouldn't even care. 'just pop a few tylenol, you'll fall fast asleep in seconds and the pain'll go away.' that was your average medical advice that you'd get from jim mclean. useful, no. humerous? only when you didn't have a headache.
jamie heard zoe take a big sigh. he was obviously causing stress with her. maybe it would be better if jamie just died. oh, jamie. you and your teen angst. where would the world be without you? they'd have one less number for a statistic on a drug commercial. hell, if jamie didn't exist, maybe the whole school shooting wouldn't have happened. maybe the beauforts and everyone else who lost loved ones that day would be perfectly normal and happy. no, most of the ideas for that day came from josh. jamie had just ... erm ... suggested targets, mostly people who he didn't appreciate. then if he didn't exist, at least those people would be saved. throughout the first part of zoe's miniature speech, jamie shook his head as much as he could without causing severe pain. "who would've it been easier for? you? my mom? not me. my mom would probably send me away to some place and i'd never get to see you again. or people would be all like, 'ooh, there goes jamie bolton, the heroin addict.' no, zo. it would not be easier." sure, those weren't the exact words he had had in mind. but it would've been terrible for him. he could've just stopped, but that would be hard. you can't just stop someone who has been on heroin for over two years. he'd go through withdrawals and be even more violent than he already was. he'd probably go crazy, too, and end up in an asylum, dressed up in a straightjacket. no visitors for him, oh no. he'd probably just kick them and scream or something. he'd be doomed to live the rest of his life isolated from the rest of society. okay, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration. or maybe not. he didn't know what level his addiction was at. he knew that the longest he could go without shooting up was two days at the absolute most, so he guessed it was pretty bad.
"the stuff i admitted to you isn't comparable to this. i mean, obviously at some point i had to let that shit all out. but this ... i don't know. it's something that i can't talk about. it's like ... different. it's something that i made happen, not something that was a choice between two people. and something between two people, you have someone to talk about it with. but being alone in a situation and then trying to explain it to someone who would never understand and jump straight to conclusions ... it's a waste of time, and i can't do that." wow, way to make a speech. but it was true. if he had told someone about this, if he could choose someone to be able to understand what he was going through, he wouldn't. sure, it felt good to do at the time but he knew that the affects of it hurt everyone that was close to him. how many times had he skipped out on going out for dinner with his mom to stay home and get high? too many. how many times had he passed out on the couch, not waking up even if his mother shook him until she just collapsed from thinking that her only child was dead? again, too many. he wouldn't want to put anyone else through that. ever. even people he hated with the deepest of passions. he just couldn't do that. he didn't have the heart to stab someone with a needle and inject morphine into their bloodstream. but then why did he have the courage to do it to himself and ruin his entire life? that was one of those questions that were difficult to answer, and probably would never be solved.
when zoe chuckled, his face warmed up a bit. her laugh was infectious, and he couldn't help but smile a little. jamie shook his head again. "i know you don't like secrets. but some things are just ... secrets. and you can't help that." he knew that zoe was extremely independant, and that's one of the things he liked about her. she didn't grab onto him everywhere they went. and by grabbing on, i mean he would have to drag her everywhere while she embraced him in an hour-long hug. that was definately not something he liked in girls, something that he also had the misfortune of experiencing at the masquerade ball. but out of bad things come good things. zoe was a definate good thing, even if that didn't come to mind often. well, it came to his mind a lot now. she had definately changed him. it might not have been a huge change, but he had altered his personality and attitude just a smidge. for example, he usually didn't lie to be silly, like he was here. he lied to be an ass, something he was great at being. but here, he was definately not going to tell her a secret. when she leaned in towards him, he put up his right arm, draped it around her neck and kissed her cheek. "mmuah." ew, so that was a bit ... lovey-dovey for jamie's likings, and childish. but he just needed this tension to go away. something to lift the mood a little. and it sure as hell made him feel better. well, his attitude, anyway. it had no affect on his physical condition, but he wished it did. ugh. this wasn't fun at all.
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NOTES: haha awe, HES SUCH A SWEETHEART.
TAGGED: beth and zoe! <3
WORDS: 1673 i wish it was 1675 three oh niiIIIiine. haha. no, actually, i wish it was -673. x[
OUTFIT: here!
LYRICS: bring me the horizon - who wants flowers when they're dead? nobody.
CREDIT: RETRO GLAMOUR ! @ CAUTION 2.0
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Post by zoe carolyn van wright on Aug 23, 2009 22:15:06 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - DON'T PATRONIZE, I REALIZEi'm losing and this is my real life * once zoe had started dating jamie, every time she looked at him she was constantly trying to hide a smile. well, quite a bit of the time that didn’t work out so well. it was just … man. she felt so lucky that she’d managed to, well, get him. there was really no better way that she could think of to say that. after she’d started dating him, it almost seemed like things were more simple again. not completely simple, of course, or even easy, because she was zoe van wright and things were just never that simple. her life had never been simple. ever. because she’d lived knowing jamie. okay, so jamie wasn’t the only thing that made her life complicated, or at least non simple, obviously, but it would be stupid to deny that he didn’t play a pretty good-sized part in it. no matter what relationship she had with him, no matter what her feelings were for him at the time, he was a pain and a ball of stress added to the top of her stress tower. okay, more like a block, because it would be hard to stack a bunch of balls on a tower. maybe that was what made life so complicated, though! no, maybe they were blocks that were superglued down. yeah, that made more sense. because if it was balls they would roll off too easily, and things that caused stress to an individual never rolled off easily. that seemed to be multiplied even more if you were a teenager. like the superglued blocks on your stress tower were … umm, titanium steel mixed with metal alloy instead of kids’ building blocks, and the tower was higher too, making it harder in a number of ways. because really, not only were your stress blocks heavier than everyone else’s, but it was harder to get up there and try to pry them off, too. then there was the added fact that she was zoe. wasn’t it amazing how her random mind tracks always seemed to end up right there, with the fact that it was harder because it was just her?
from all of this you must be thinking by now that zoe must have the worst life in the world. okay, so even if all of this might possibly make it sound like that to you, it really wasn’t true. to be honest, there were a few things that were good in her life. one, she had money. and money was most definitely good. two, she’d admitted everything and now had a boyfriend that she … well, loved, even if she hadn’t said that yet. and three, she had pretty fricking amazing parents. jim and charlotte were two of the most amazing people in the world to zoe, if you asked her opinion. they were always nice for her and cared for her, their only daughter. zoe has never questioned anything they said. she loves her parents to death. without them, well, she would be nothing and she knows that. though her parents don’t really support her all that much anymore, zoe knows that they would drop everything to help her if all she did was ask. yeah, she was definitely lucky to have them, that much was for sure. okay, so they were the big standing pillars in her life that helped keep the stress tower from tumbling over. though she hadn’t in such a long time, zoe always used to call her parents at the end of every school week just to let them know how she was doing. they were concerned parents, what can i say? just thinking about that almost made zoe regret that she hadn’t done that in the longest time. hmm, she would have to make a point to do just that the next time friday rolled around. her parents would be pleased, that was for sure. they really hadn’t heard much from her for a while. it had been … well, too long since she’d called them. for as much as she praised her parents and would easily say that they were amazing, it was strange that she didn’t talk to them more or spend more time with them. but hey, she was in high school, and she was busy! it wasn’t very often that zoe was home on a friday night, after all. but really, maybe that would change for this. at least this week, anyway.
with another sigh, zoe shook her head. “okay, i get it. it’s just … it’s a lot for me to take in i guess. i just … yeah. that’s all.” she shook her head to herself. she understood what jamie was saying and she wasn’t going to argue it, especially not now. that was something that neither of them needed right now. another fight might very well push both of them right over the edge, and who knew who would go first. most people overlooking this situation would instantly vote jamie, the kid who had just overdosed on heroin, but really, zoe was seriously torn up by this whole thing too. she still couldn’t believe she hadn’t noticed, no matter how many times she said that to herself. if only there was a way to not make jamie stop anything he wanted to be doing while keeping him out of the hospital at the same time … hmm. too bad that probably wasn’t possible. if it was that would be pretty sick. and too good to be true, as everything else good was. even though jamie had stopped his second speech, zoe held up a hand to show that she’d heard enough anyway. pointless seeing as he wasn’t talking, but it still was a nice gesture. sort of. “jamie, it’s fine. i really do understand. and we don’t need to talk about it any more, okay? i won’t pressure … i won’t pressure you to do anything you don’t want to do. well, not that you would listen or change anyway,” she said with a small laugh at the end. sighing again, she nodded. “i know.”
well, zoe wasn’t going to deny it, she was liking this secret. sure, it was only a small kiss on the cheek, but hadn’t she mentioned to herself earlier that she could do with a good jamie kiss? and now she’d gotten it. she smiled, staring down at his face, before leaning in to hold lightly onto his face and kiss him again. he wasn’t getting away with such a small one so easily, he should know that. he’d gotten her started and now this was only the beginning, she thought with a smile before kissing him again. god, even though jamie was laying down in a hospital bed and she was leaning over him, and this was probably one of the world’s most awkward positions and places to kiss like this in, zoe honestly didn’t give a shit. every time she kissed jamie it felt like it was the first time again, but in a good way. not reliving the bad scene in the mall, oh no. it was like a different first kiss, the first kiss with him that she’d never had. and that was definitely a good thing.
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Post by jameson robert bolton on Aug 24, 2009 14:15:35 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -A CHERRY SUNSET BLOSSOMS, BUT WE'RE NOT THERE TO WATCH IT FALLON THE VACANT CANVAS WE SHOULD BE WAITING WITH OUR FACE DOWN IN THE GRASS [/FONT] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -[/center]
whatever his mother was doing, she sure was taking a hell of a long time. maybe his time perception was off. what time was it anyway? he didn't see a clock anywhere, but that could be because he couldn't see very well or maybe the clock was above him. that would be stupid. the person who was in the room longest was the patient, so wouldn't they put the clock so the patient could see what time it was? yeah, but most people didn't have the back of their skull broken up. this was still the ICU, though, so there must be a lot of people in here with skull fractures. maybe. He wondered if there was a place for people who had overdoses. Because then he wouldn’t even be in the ICU. He’d be there. Wait - where was he? Hopefully he wasn’t lost. He knew he was in the hospital now, because zoe had told him that. Maybe not nicely, but she didn’t have to be nice. Hell, she had a good enough reason to not be nice. If zoe had been checked into the hospital for a heroin overdose, jamie would be angry, too. Maybe not as angry as zoe was, because jamie would know what was going on, but he’d still have his panties in a knot. Maybe because she was more responsible than he was, and jamie wouldn’t have ever thought that she’d use heroin. He knew that people thought he used heroin before he had even considered it, so this wouldn’t really come as a shock to people at school. Or it shouldn’t, anyway.
Jamie’s face was brought into a frown, because he was still upset that his mother wasn’t here. He should’ve been content with just zoe being here. He was, to be perfectly honest, but it kind of hurt that his mom would choose something else over him. His father, as I already said, jamie didn’t care about. But his mom had always been there, he’d known her for his entire life, and she gave jamie band-aids for small things like papercuts. But now, he overdosed and had a million other things wrong with him, and she isn’t there. But then again, if jamie’s kid had done this, he would’ve been shocked, and would’ve been there. And being there for other people was kind of in her job description. It may not always be who she wanted to be there for, but it was still her job, and she couldn’t lose it. When zoe spoke after he did, he nodded his head as much as he could. It was a lot to take in, even for him. It seemed like everything bad he had done had caught up to him. Well, perhaps not everything bad. But most of it. And that was being a bitch. He wondered if this would teach him his lesson, and after this whole thing was done if he would go and take rehab, get cleaned up and be all normal and everything would be just fine. The only thing was, he didn’t know if he even wanted to. Sure, opinions change, but people don’t. Alcoholics are always alcoholics. If they go to AA meetings, and never touch a bottle of beer again, it’s just because they haven’t lived long enough. Zoe up her hand. For what? A high five? To shut him up? Jamie didn’t know. He had already finished talking, so he looked at her strangely until she started to talk again, then a small smile crept up on his face. Of course she wasn’t putting her hand up for a high-five. Durr.
Zoe was just so ... gah. Jamie couldn’t even put it into words. She wasn’t the easiest person to describe, but she didn’t really need a description. Jamie already knew who she was, although she didn’t know everything about her. Come to think of it, they had never really talked about each other, had they? Anyway, since they had started dating, jamie had found it hard to describe her. Before the started dating, however, he knew perfectly well how to describe her. Short bitch who didn’t know how to keep her whore mouth shut among other things. He couldn’t even remember everything that he had called her. If someone had asked about her, he’d say whatever mean thing first popped up into his mind just to get that person not to talk to her. But did that only mean that he was maybe just trying to keep her to himself? That realisation made him raise one of his eyebrows. Thinking back on it, he had never actually meant anything he had said. And keeping people away from her certainly seemed to work out for him, meaning that she would ‘randomly’ come around a corner just as he was, crashing into him and maybe throwing a punch at him. He was generally safe, though, because there was no way she could ever reach up to his face. So at least his face was protected. Other things, not so much. Jamie felt an itch on one of his legs, and that was going to be annoying. He wondered how if he couldn’t move his legs, he could still feel an itch. He tried bending his knees a bit, and that seemed to work just fine. Oh well. If he didn’t think about the itch, it would go away.
And, being a boy and all, he found perfect distraction in zoe. Especially since she had just kissed him. Or wait, he had kissed her. Whatever. Point was, they were close to each other now, even if it was in one of the most awkward positions ever. Especially since he had an oxygen tube across his face and up his nose and stuff. It was pressing against the little bone at the end up his nose, and he couldn’t quite think of what that was. Septum! Right. Wait, had they taken out his piercing? Those bitches! They must’ve, because he couldn’t feel it. Well, that was going to be a bitch to get back in, or he was going to have to go and get it re-pierced. It was painful, too, but he had already done it once before, so he could stand going through it again. The only lasting pain was that it stung your eyes and it looked like you were crying, even if you didn’t. Anyway, back to reality. She had kissed him again, and jamie intertwined his fingers in her hair, and kissed her back. This was much better than arguing.
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NOTES: lets dance like we used toooooo. <3
TAGGED: beth and zoe! <3
WORDS: 1100
OUTFIT: here!
LYRICS: bring me the horizon - who wants flowers when they're dead? nobody.
CREDIT: RETRO GLAMOUR ! @ CAUTION 2.0
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Post by zoe carolyn van wright on Aug 26, 2009 22:05:19 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - DON'T PATRONIZE, I REALIZEi'm losing and this is my real life * her parents were still on zoe’s mind. but what can you say, they were her parents after all! and when you don’t think about such an important thing for such a long period of time, well, when you do it seems like the subject sticks around for a while. okay, maybe that was just with zoe, but whatever. she’d never ever gone and asked anyone else about it and she never would. that would be just random, to be honest. and extremely weird. really, how many people went up to others randomly and asked them questions like that? exactly, no one. well, at least no one had ever done that to zoe. maybe someone had been about to in the past and she’d just glared at him or her, scaring him or her away. okay, yeah, so zoe was definitely rambling. she was the sort of person who, when put into a situation as serious and confusing as this, would just say or think about the most random things. her subjects sure changed quickly, that was for sure. i mean really, look at this. she went easily from her parents to glaring at people about to ask her questions. it must have been a talent to be able to connect things like that and make them actually make sense. well, she sort of understood this at least. not that she normally could, though. god, the girl was so stressed. she was losing it, probably. yeah, that was it. maybe she was about to faint or something. zoe had never fainted before, but going all loopy and whatnot like this seemed like a good prerequisite to it the process. well, if there even was a process. wow, the girl had no clue what she was talking about. she most definitely was out of it. at least she had enough sanity in her to figure that much out.
this current situation though … it was really taking a lot out of her. zoe had never experienced anything like this before in the past. she was mad at jamie, she was mad at herself, she was mad at … well, okay, that was pretty much it. normally she would be going and blaming everyone that was connected to it in the most bizarre ways. take this as an example. she could be blaming torben for not saying something even though she didn’t know for sure that he knew anything. she could be blaming her friends for not warning her even though they probably didn’t know either. hell, she could even be blaming jamie’s mom for this. she worked in a hospital, didn’t she? that was all zoe really knew about her job, though. whether she was like a doctor or a surgeon or even a nurse or a receptionist for god’s sake, she didn’t know. but like she’d said before, she and zoe hadn’t really talked about family or anything in the past. in their defense, they hadn’t been dating for very long, though. sure, you normally passed over some of those sort of topics when you first started dating, but with a history like the one zoe and jamie had … well, you hardly had to follow the rules, if you even had to follow any at all. this relationship that they had right now sure wasn’t following any of those “rules,” that was for sure. no, zoe and jamie … hmm. they were just, different, you could say. but different in a good way, of course. well, sort of good. their relationship was … okay, like no other. that was a safe way to put it. this couple was obviously not like any other. how often did two people who hated each other get together? again, zoe at least hadn’t heard of it. she’d only been in this world for sixteen years, though. to be honest, who knew? it was pretty much possible and, well, had probably happened, but zoe didn’t particularly care or want to acknowledge that. she liked being unique.
zoe was definitely very good at being unique. really, just look at her. especially if she was, say, standing in one of carson high’s many hallways. she easily stood out, for sure. she didn’t look like most of the other kids. she didn’t shop at hollister or american eagle, wearing any of those dumb logoed clothes that were so plain it was pathetic. zoe had never understood how people, mostly girls, thought they were cool just because they spent $50 on a t-shirt that had one frickin word on it. really, what was the point of that?! i mean, okay, if there was a cute design on it or something that might be different, but not with these preppy girls. no, just put the word abercrombie on it and it was good enough for them. the shirt could be butt ugly and they would still think they were cool. yeah, so zoe clearly did not appreciate their definition of “cool.” it was far from it, obviously. zoe wasn’t really as vain as to go and call herself cool, but she knew she was damn “cooler” than any of them. at least she didn’t wear what everybody else did, for one. she acted how she wanted and did what she wanted. she wasn’t a clone like almost the rest of the school was. zoe didn’t want to be like everyone else and she was going to keep it that way. just dating jamie, even, showed that she wasn’t going to be a clone. no, that definitely wasn’t her reason for dating him, though. she … well, she loved him. even if she hadn’t told jamie that yet, she did. she was clueless on how to tell him, actually. it seemed weird. zoe had never told a guy she’d loved him before. the only people she’d ever told she loved were her parents. okay, so maybe she’d said ‘love you’ to a friend or two before but it didn’t really count. that was friend love. there was a difference. her heart racing, zoe put herself into the kiss, her hands on his head gently. jamie just seemed so … breakable in this position. it would just be so much easier if she could go and rip out all those tubes, then they could leave and go somewhere. but she knew they couldn’t. that thought brought her back to her senses, and she slowly pulled herself away with a sigh. god, how she wanted to kiss him again. she stood there, breathing heavily, staring at his face for a minute. “jamie …” she said in a quiet voice. “i’m … i’m so sorry, jamie. i know i already said that but .. i don’t know. i’m so confused right now and i wish you weren’t in here. i wish we could be doing something else and not sitting in a hospital room.” if only she could change that but it wasn’t exactly possible right now. damn. |
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Post by jameson robert bolton on Aug 27, 2009 0:10:54 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -I KNOW YOU'RE SCARED BUT DON'T LEAVE THIS PLACEJUST TURN AROUND AND LET ME SEE YOUR FACE [/FONT] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -[/center]
even though jamie knew that he had zoe, there was always a part of him that just ... wanted more. right now, he should feel completely satisfied, but he didn't. he didn't feel like enough people liked him, which he generally didn't mind. but this moment ... it was all so real. hell, it was real. if this was a dream, he wouldn't be still having it. he'd be awake by now. still, the fact that his mom had left the room and his dad didn't even show up made him feel alone. he hadn't expected his dad to show, nor did he even really want him to. it'd probably be one of those awkward few minutes while jim either yelled at him or just rocked back and forth on his heels until he eventually said 'well, jee, you're fucked' and walk out. even though he knew that his dad was joking about that when he said it, it all felt so true now. he had been this close to dying, and only one person had come over and actually stayed with him, and she had only liked him for maybe a few weeks, maybe a bit longer. he had known his mother his entire life, and same with his dad. hell, why wasn't torben showing up? he was probably at a friends house or something. what about his grandparents? they cared about him, didn't they? of course they did. jamie crashed at their house all the time and his grandma treated him like a prince. maybe his mom didn't tell them yet, though. they would probably take it hard. they weren't too great at dealing with losses.
this all led jamie up to believing that he would just die alone. if he died right now, though, he wouldn't be alone. he had zoe here, and his mom was in the building somewhere. a few years into the future, though, who knows what he would be doing? maybe his parents would die or they'd get divorced and his dad would move back to detroit and his mom would move away across the city. who knows where zoe would be? jamie would be extremely lucky if they stayed together that long, because she would have put up with him so much. sometimes jamie couldn't even deal with himself, and that's where the drugs come in. the drugs caused this whole situation, so he was living in a horrible, vicious circle. and everyone knows circles don't end. and even if he did manage to incredibly and magically sober up and get off of these drugs, his cause of death would still be drug-related. there is no way that you can say someone who has been addicted to hard drugs for four years didn't die of drug-related circumstances. the drugs are never really out of your system, even if it shows up medically. drugs forever alter the state of your brain, and forever make you a different person than you were 'supposed' to be. who knows what jamie would be like without his heroin? he'd probably be a nicer guy. he'd still have his strong opinions, but perhaps he'd be more open about himself. no doubt he'd smile more often and show off those pearly whites, and maybe he'd be a tad bit more popular among the school crowd. ugh, who cares about them? cliques were stupid and ... just ... stupid. and poopy.
jamie could feel zoe start to pull away, and he didn't want that to happen. he was caught up in his own world, and thinking of what could be and what could've been. he can't change the past, and he wouldn't for the world because it all led up to this moment. and he was debating on whether he'd change himself to keep it this way. a part of him told him that that was the best thing to do, and keep zoe and the rest of the world happy. but the other most dominant part of him told him that drugs don't become you, and that this whole thing they going on right now was puppy love. but that other part still had a say. jamie was one hundred percent sure this wasn't puppy love, because he had never felt this way before. he had said 'i love you' in past relationships and it had always been simple, maybe because he was good at lying. whatever it was, it was difficult to even think about saying it. not because it wasn't true, but because he was scared of what she would do if he said it. but he really felt that he loved her, for real this time. maybe changes were occuring for him that he wouldn't realise until they hit him in the face, like when he said 'i'm stopping all of this.' and dropped the drugs, leaving them to destroy someone elses life. but, the kiss had to end at some point. kisses couldn't go on forever, because how would you eat? and wouldn't it get kind of difficult to breathe after a while? yeah. think about that. he let his arm drop and he looked up at her, looking her in the eyes. they were just so ... so blue. he had never seen anything else like them before. jamie had almost lost himself in her gaze when she started talking, and apologising. he sighed, and shook his head. "this isn't your fault. if anyone should be apologising, it's me. i fucked everything up." he laughed quietly, and shook his head again. "it wasn't supposed to be like this." he looked up at the ceiling, and immediately regretted it. he should be looking at her, not at something that isn't going to talk back. "i'm really, really sorry." and he was. for everything. almost everything.
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NOTES: hahahahhaa i said poopy for youu.
TAGGED: zamie ftw <3
WORDS: 969
OUTFIT: here!
LYRICS: metro station - wish we were older
CREDIT: RETRO GLAMOUR ! @ CAUTION 2.0
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