MCLEAN, benjamin patrick [FINISHED.]

[benjamin patrick mclean]

benjamin patrick mclean

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a r e y o u u p f o r , a r e y o u u p f o r t h i s ?

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` I DARE SAY THAT I'VE HEARD OF YOU BEFORE. REMIND ME AGAIN, WHAT'S THE NAME YOUR PARENTS GAVE YOU, ANY SIGNIFICANCE ?

- - - - - benjamin patrick mclean's the name, but most people just call me ben! the origins of my name, you ask? well, it's an average name with a pretty average foundation. i don't know why my parents picked benjamin - they liked it, i guess. whatever. let's say it's because of benjamin franklin or something. patrick actually has roots; i'm very very irish and my family is very very catholic, so when my parents couldn't muster up enough creativity to pick out a unique name, they stuck me with patrick. and of course, they never let me forget that st. patrick is the epitome of all things irish and catholic and wonderful. i don't know how i could forget, i'm from chi-fucking-cago. but anyway, i don't mind the name ben at all and i'm just thankful they didn't stick me with leslie or something, holy crap. oh, and i have a confirmation name - sebastien. so my full name is benjamin patrick sebastien mclean. it's a mouthful, huh?

` REMIND ME AGAIN, WHEN WERE YOU BORN ? I CAN NEVER GET ENOUGH OF THE STORY SURROUNDING YOUR BIRTH.

- - - - - i popped out on february 18th, and i am now 16 years old! i was born in a catholic-based hospital on the south side of chicago where my mom actually used to work. it was pretty unremarkable, i guess. i hate having my birthday so late in the year. everyone always forgets it because valentine's day is so close to it. oh, and in first grade, like half the damn class was born in the first half of the school year, so for some reason they'd pick on the kids who were born within the second half because they got to be star student first and blah blah blah. and some of them got to have pool parties. brats.

` YOU LOOK FAMILIAR, HAVE I SEEN YOU AROUND SCHOOL ?

- - - - - i'm a sophomore, looking to be a junior in september. i'm not really a school person, i guess... i don't know. i'm smart, really. i ace the standardised tests and stuff. i don't do half so bad on the regular tests. but schoolwork - christ. it just gets in the way of life. for me, it's more of a place to... hang out, i guess. i've got a good set of friends who love making school fun for everyone - except the teachers, maybe. you know. as much as i hate schoolwork and getting up in the morning, etc., i really love carson high school. i mean, back in illinois i had to wear uniforms to grammar school, like slacks and vests in the middle of fucking may, and it was irritating. here, i just let loose. it's a lot less strik and all.

` MAYBE IT WAS JUST AROUND. WHERE ARE YOU FROM ?

- - - - - so, i think you can tell that i'm from chicago. yeah? yeah. i really loved it there, and i miss it a lot. a lot. i grew up on the south side, in this small little irish catholic neighborhood - in case you're missing something here, i'm irish and catholic! it was really close to a few nice neighborhoods, but we were kind of considered the hillbillies of the south side. god, we were kind of white trash. of course, it wasn't as bad as canaryville - or worth. we didn't live in trailer parks. we earned an average salary - actually a bit above average. but i was smoking and drinking by the time i was in seventh grade. and i never wore shoes. my dad was a fireman and my mom was a nurse. dad died when i was in second grade, and we ended up moving here the summer i was going into freshman year so my mom could be with her new husband and family. i love it here, but i miss chicago. and they don't air the chicago sports games out here, unless it's like the stanley cup or something, which i hate.

` OKAY, BE HONEST HERE. WHICH ARE YOU IN TO MORE: GUYS OR DOLLS ? DON'T WORRY, MY LIPS ARE SEALED.

- - - - - sexuality? oh. well - i mean, i've had my fair share of girls. you know. i love women. my mom is a woman, you know! b-b-but.... i don't know. can you keep a secret? i guess you can. i've dated a lot of girls, and i've slept with a lot of girls, but i was never really interested in a relationship with them. even sleeping with them wasn't fulfilling - i mean, yeah, when there's two bodies rubbing against each other and there's friction and stuff, you're not exactly going to stop right there, but - it was never what i really wanted. so i don't know. i don't know.

` ALRIGHT, ON TO THE GOOD STUFF. WHAT DO YOU DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME ? ANY FAVORITE PASTIMES ?

- - - - - baseball. i love baseball. i was a cubs fan on the south side, so i got a lot of shit, but it's really my passion. i catch every game i can, and i subscribed to watch the games on the internet. but not only do i love watching baseball, i play it. fervently. i'm a catcher, and i can hit pretty well. my team's never been good enough to seriously compete, but it's just amazingly fun. what else? i like parties. and pills. pills are good. parties are better. it's kind of natural for me; i've been into drinking since seventh grade, and i've been experimenting with drugs since eighth. that's just kind of how it was back in my old neighborhood, and i brought the old habits over here. i'm not really the fancy rich jock-y partier (cos god knows that the baseball players are always on the back burner to the football players), but more of the misfit type. i like stoners. oh, and i play drums, too. drums and piano. i really like both, though drums are easier for me, and it's really nice to have something to just beat the shit out of all day and still have it sound good. cooking's another thing. it's kind of a secret, but i love to cook. it's a passion of mine. when i'm sick or hungover, i'll spend all morning watching the food network getting new recipes. i'm not half bad, you know?

` TELL ME: WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE THINGS IN THE ENTIRE WORLD ? THINGS THAT JUST MAKE YOU WANT TO SMILE.

- - - - - i like short stories that you read in literature textbooks, the old ones, like gift of the magi and stuff. speaking of, i really like christmas. it's probably my favorite time of the year. it's one of the rare times i go to church, and the only time i actually enjoy it. i like those stupid animal bracelets, because i find it amusing to take them off and arrange them on my legs. i like sunglasses; i have quite a collection. i love downloading music - i could really do it all day. i like grocery shopping and carrot cake. i could eat carrot cake all day. oh, and i love self-check outs. and nutella. i like people who are really open about stuff. i want to be like them. i like when girls read comic books. i like being able to sit with someone who'll watch nick at nite marathons with me for five hours straight. i like calendars, nutella, and drinking grape juice from wine glasses. it makes me feel classy as hell. i like taking the train in chicago, i like giving old ladies my seat on the bus, and i like walking in dark alleys at night. is that enough? i feel like i'm talking too much.

` AND SADLY, WE ALL KNOW THERE ARE THINGS WE JUST CAN'T STAND. WHAT ARE YOURS ?

- - - - - i hate bandwagon fans of stuff, especially sports. i hate fireworks, they scare the shit out of me. i don't like douchey frat boys, and i absolutely cannot stand people who spend all weekend bragging about how they got "ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY WASTED BRO", even when you know they didn't. i don't like hot topic. i don't like people who exploit dumb crap for irony - you know, how people are always like "OMG POWER RANGERS OMG DINOSAURS". just stop that. i don't like people who need to throw in big ass words into an argument so they sound clever. i don't like people who judge others based on music - what. the. fuck. i hate the word legit. i hate when people misuse the word irony. i hate feet. i hate anything touching my feet besides shoes, socks, and the ground. i loathe birds. planes make me sick. i sound like a grumpy old man, so i think i'll stop there.

` ANY SHORT OR LONG TERM GOALS ? WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN FIVE YEARS ? IN TEN ? HOW DO YOU PLAN TO GET THERE ?

- - - - - i kind of... i don't know. i don't know what i want to be. of course, ever since i was little i've always wanted to be a baseball player. i don't know if i'll ever be able to get that, but in college i definitely want to play baseball. the problem itself is college. i'll have to get a sports scholarship, cos god knows my grades are down the fucking drain. as far as studying something - god, i don't know. i don't know anything. i'd love to be a chef, maybe. maybe culinary arts. or psychology, that sounds interesting. but overall, i want to be happy. that's all i want in life, is to be happy.

` WHAT MAKES YOU QUAKE IN YOUR BOOTS ? IF YOU HAD TO PICK ONE THING THAT HAS SCARED YOU THE MOST, WHAT WOULD IT BE ?

- - - - - well, my main thing, i guess i've already told you - i think i'm gay. i think. i don't know. and if my mom found out - holy shit. i mean, she's already disappointed enough that i'm not a catholic golden boy, and if she found out i was gay, she'd flip her lid. oh, she's never been expressly homophobic - she's tolerable of the whole lgtb thing, i guess. it doesn't really affect her. but she'd say no to gay marriage any day, and of i'm sure she'd never support a gay son. she'd kick me out of the house, that's for damn sure. and another thing, i'm terrified of birds. seriously. i used to go downtown all the time, and those damn birds would flock around like they were just waiting for me to let my guard down. birds are terrible. i used to have some sleep problems, like sleepwalking and night terrors, and sometimes i'm really afraid to go to sleep because i'm scared they'll come back.

` IS THERE A SIGNIFICANT OTHER IN YOUR LIFE ? HOW DO YOU DO WITH RELATIONSHIPS ?

- - - - - to be honest, i've never had a serious relationship. i've had flings with girls, but like i said, i've never really enjoyed it. i want a relationship with a guy, actually. i want to try that. i've had my share of girls, and they were all super, but really, i've never gotten much out of it besides friendship. i mean, we're all friends now and stuff, but at the time it was really, really confusing. i've sort of figured out what i want now, and a long term relationship would be great, but obviously i have some obstacles.

` NOW, YOU KNOW THAT I ADORE YOU, BUT LET'S TALK ABOUT SOME OTHER PEOPLE FOR A BIT. A LITTLE BIRD TOLD ME THAT YOU HAVE SOME PRETTY EXTRAVAGANT PARENTS, TELL ME ABOUT THEM.

- - - - - my mom's a nurse. she's kind of the church nazi sometimes, you could say. she's 43, i think. she's really devout and she raised 3 catholic kids, but i'm kind of her failure. i mean, she's a nice lady and she loves me to death, but she's so concerned about appearances and whatever. my dad died in a car accident when i was in second grade. there's still a hole in my heart where he used to be, and i'll never ever forget any of my memories with him. he taught me to swim, ride a bike, play baseball - he loved baseball. i have a picture of him on my nightstand. my dad was the greatest guy ever, and he's my hero. it's weird to talk about it, because i sound so cheesy and cliche, but i've never really gotten over it. of course, i have a stepdad now, but he can't replace my dad. lou is nice enough, but i sometimes resent him for taking my mom. it feels to me like she's almost cheating on dad, even though he's long gone. but lou is an attorney, and he makes a good amount of money, and he's a really nice guy.

` DANG. ANY OTHER IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY ? DID YOUR PARENTS HAVE ANY OTHER CHILDREN ?

- - - - - i have an older brother, jake, and an older sister, mary. they're both in their twenties. jake works at an office somewhere in some building, and my sister is in a pre-med program in college. i have 2 step siblings, conor and phoebe. conor is my age, while phoebe is still a kid. she's 12. i get along with them pretty well, although jake and i can butt heads a lot if he's visiting.

` HOW ABOUT PETS, HAVE ANY OF THOSE ?

- - - - - cats! i love cats. if i were a woman, i'd be classified as a burgeoning crazy cat lady. i have three cats right now - pygmalion (but we just call him piggy), mickey, and chandler. i have two hamsters, one' s name is che and the other is fidel. i was on the cuba section in world history when i got them. we had a dog in chicago named max, but we sold him before moving.

` OKAY, YOU HAVE TO HAVE KNOWN THAT WE WERE GOING TO ASK. WHAT'S YOUR BEST KEPT SECRET ? I WON'T TELL !

- - - - - my secret? damn, haven't i told you everything so far? actually, there's one thing i haven't let you in on. so you know the whole... gay thing... right? i think i'm in love with my step brother. oh my god. it's the most terrible thing in the world, i know, and you don't even know how much i absolutely fucking hate myself for it. i mean, i'm hardly at terms with being gay, let alone wanting to grab my step brother and kiss him every time he comes down the stairs for breakfast. of course, he's straight as an arrow. i have absolutely no idea what to do about this. i'm - i'm really confused. i can't stand living with myself. ugh. but yeah, i guess you know everything now. cheers.

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oh hai there, CARSON HIGH ! my name is sam

[/font] and i've been roleplaying for seven[/font] years. i'm fifteen[/font] years old, and i found you through caution[/font]. as you can see, i enjoy using joe dempsie[/font] as a play-by. oh, and if you want to see what i can do, check out the role play sample. yeah, i'm awesome. i know ! [/blockquote][/blockquote]

Sometimes , even when alone, Jesse simply couldn't stand to be stuck in his house. He'd be sitting around, watching TV, and all of a sudden an urgent need to go out, walk around, and breathe in fresh air overcame him. The feeling was overwhelming, and when it happened, Jesse had no choice but to drop everything and take a walk outside. This urge could strike him at any time of the day, and this time, it happened to be around eight o'clock on a refreshingly chilly August night.

The residents of Sommers had experienced a very hot, very dry sort of summer, and the mild nights provided a much-needed respite to the long summer days. Jesse was thankful for the night's weather, and gratefully pulled on a blue nike hoodie before stepping outside. Once out in the air, he drifted around Lincoln street for a bit, not having a predetermined destination. After a few blocks, he resolved to take a visit to the Lakeview Park. Around this time of night the park was usually barren, save a few middle school kids who occasionally hung around to drink cheap beer and get away from parents. Jesse didn't mind them though; they rarely bothered anyone and were only 13- and 14-year-old kids who wanted to try out new things.

Already feeling a bit refreshed by the cool breeze, Jesse wandered toward the park, taking out his headphones along the way and enjoying the nice soundtrack his iPod provided. Jesse liked to consider himself a bit of a music connoisseur, and though he certainly wasn't musically adept at playing an instrument, he did maintain an impressive collection of music and did a fine job of picking the most fitting music to go along with a moment. Secretly, he'd always had a desire to be the music director for a movie. Picking out songs to accompany each scene? A more pleasant job couldn't exist. Of course, this was somewhat of a pipe dream, but it was fun to dwell on the possibilities.

Upon arriving at the park, he flopped onto a bench face-up and stared at the stars that were beginning to dot the sky. He paused the music and attempted to get lost in the inky night sky, forgetting all his worries and troubles and issues and stress. Forgetting his parents, forgetting his grades. Aurora, drugs, his future, cigarettes. School. He tried desperately to wash it all away and lose himself in the night, but such an attempt was futile. Here, there were no distractions, and everything was so open and free that his mind was forced to wander to the more unpleasant aspects of his life. Though he often tried to remember that he could very well be much worse off, this was a temporary and rather silly solution, and didn't fix any of his problems. Right now, he hoped to god that someone would come along and converse with him. Anyone.

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